Dancing with the Devil

I have about one third of the post done for Mexico.  I keep talking about it and not delivering.  There are reasons.  I have them explained in that post.  Kind of.  I also need to tell you about the debacle that was Gryph’s 30^th Birthday…god he’s fucking old.  And whats worse is that he keeps complaining he can’t hang like he used to..this is a project I personally plan to tackle!!!  My apologies to all you senior citizens who are currently 30+…don’t worry, my sorry ass will be there one day.

Today, I want to take the time to tell you about my date last night aka Wednesday night since I actually started writing this yesterday. It’s the first date I’ve been on in quite a while so I was bubbling with all sorts of feelings.  While I never get nervous about a date a part of me felt anxious wondering if it’d be like riding a bike or if I was going to sit there fidgeting and fumbling for things to say.

One day while “virtually speed dating”…you know when your mindlessly browsing profiles online and half paying attention, half drooling over pictures and half drowning yourself in wine…I passed by a profile of a guy who seemed like he had potential.  He looked like my type from his pictures and from what I grazed over in his novella of a profile he seemed to be confident and perhaps even a little cocky which was coming off as slightly attractive, fun and passionate.  I didn’t read everything because he wrote A LOT and I wasn’t in the mindset to actually contact anyone so I made a mental note to revisit. 

You know, writing a lot in your profile can work as an advantage or a disadvantage for people.  You’re being detailed and specific and really putting yourself out there so essentially you are preventing people from wasting their time (and yours) because your saying what they need to know up front.  On the other hand you may get passed over because people have the attention span of gnats and won’t stay focused past your first two sentences and before they get to the part where you enthusiastically tell them to “Message Me!!!” they are already on to the next profile with big muscles or Victoria Secret cleavage. 

Point in case…I figured on a day when I was motivated I’d come back and check him out again since he had certainly caught my eye but I was not making any effort to conquer this mountain now.  Well as luck would have it he contacted me.  Woo! Don’t you just love when a man contacts you?? (I’d venture to guess a guy would get just as excited about a girl writing him?)  I should have guessed based on his profile that his message would be awesome…not only was it good though…it was really funny and clever.  He picked up on a couple of the ridiculous things I put in my profile about how I might have been a pirate because of how much I love rum….and how snuggling is my kryptonite…oh and that I’m obsessed with chocolate milk.  The title: “Pirate or Superwoman???”

The message:

I'm debating which one you might be... I mean, if snuggling is your kryptonite, then you may have met your match and I'm like Lex Luther to you. If you're a pirate, then I'm hiding my chocolate milk for safe keeping.

(Note: totally had to look up Lex Luther…)

Its so simple, yet it completely did the trick.  I really appreciate when someone takes the time to write more then “Hi. How are you?” ….how am I? Well, at the moment I’m confused as to why the fuck you think those 4 words are going to make me want to reply to you.  Harsh?  Perhaps, but lets be honest if this message is any indication of his motivation to be on the dating scene (which I find they typically are) then I’ll pass.  I believe that people who make a little extra effort when they contact you tend to be more serious and interested in actually meeting you and finding someone they care about.

But enough about that.  After a few emails back and forth we discover we work in the same industry and he eventually suggests drinks and we exchange numbers.  During a conversation about football I find out his team is the Cleveland Browns (he grew up there)…his second team is NYG so we’re still good, thankfully…and I made mention that I could totally rock a Browns jersey since my schools colors were Brown & White.  So naturally he asks where I went and when I tell him he responds…”I don’t think we can talk anymore.  I went to a better school.”  I nearly dropped my phone while I typed back…”Please don’t tell me you went to Lafayette.”  And the motherfucker did!!!  Ohhh this is going to be EPIC!!!

Our schools have the most played and longest uninterrupted rivalry in college football in the nation (as of 2005, 141 matchups, and played at least once every year since 1897).  It’s seriously incredible.  And the distaste for the rival is instilled in you from the moment you open your acceptance letter.  From the quality of the education (mine is better as per US News Rankings..thankyouverymuch.) to sports and everything in between.  Its fierce and I loved every minute of it.  So naturally the trash talking started immediately between the Rival and I and hasn’t stopped since.  He mentioned how much fun this will be during football season especially during the yearly game we play and my god is he right.  If we’re still hanging out at that point It. Is. ON!! Like Donkey Kong.  Him AND his school are going DOWN!!!

Fast forward to Wednesday night when we actually meet.  He arrives as I’m pulling on my boot in the driver’s seat of my car (I hate driving in heels) and I can see he’s tall, definitely cute, well dressed, and built…swoon.  Visually we like so far.  We go and find a table on the completely empty roof deck and order beers.  He orders one called the Raging Bitch simply because he likes the name…I fully support this.  So we drink, we chat, we berate each other for the piss poor educational experience the other received and its going really well. He mentioned how he’s looking for the trifecta in a woman…brains, personality, beauty…yes, yes aren’t we all.  And that he’s not rushing into anything and really wants to become friends first…respectable.

Anyway, we eventually order nachos…which I warned him I couldn’t eat due to Holy Week restrictions (no meat/dairy/oil…thank you Greek Orthodox Church) but totally gave him the go ahead to order and I picked out the chips which escaped the cheesy beefy goodness we all love about nachos.  Rival was a totally piggy and a part of me kind of liked it…his lack of concern for how he looked scarfing down the nachos and making a bit of a mess made me smile since he must have felt somewhat comfortable around me to just dive in like that or he just doesn’t give a shit what people think.  Hell I totally would have joined him if it wasn’t for fasting.  Uuggghh religion!!

At one point as I was asking questions about his family…his siblings ages to be specific…when he comments “wow, you really wanna know all the details huh? I didn’t know I was on an interview.”   To which I naturally had to chuckle because truth is Rival…you kinda are.  I mean the name of this blog was born out of the fact that dates are exactly like interviews.  But to avoid a debate after scoffing at him for thinking a question like that was detailed I simply said not exactly and offered to stop asking about “specifics” if he preferred.  He didn’t which clearly just meant he was being a ball buster…what an ass.

Once the chill was too much for us, our coats and our beers to handle we headed inside.  The second floor of the bar has these extremely comfy leather couches off in a corner, a big dance floor and a huge bar.  The entire thing was empty…all the bar stools were up on the bar, the lights were dim and it was completely quiet.  So we settled onto the couches and continued talking and laughing.  At one point I stood up to jump on the couch since we were talking about how squishy it was and how perfect it would be for jumping but once he realized I was serious Rival stopped me since he was afraid I’d hurt myself and he didn’t want to go to the ER on a first date…ugh whimp. 

Then he mentions how he started taking salsa lessons a week ago.  So he is now an ex-football player, with 3! Masters, owns his own condo, amongst many other fabulous things…who willingly signed up for salsa lessons since he thinks it’s a “good idea to learn how to dance”.  Yeah, my thoughts exactly.  So, I challenge him to show me what he’s learned.  And to my surprise and complete joy he stands up, grabs my hand and we head over to the open area and start dancing.  No music, no people…just us and me counting 1,2,3…5,6,7.  Let me tell you the boy can move…he even demonstrated a little booty shake for me (and commented on how he’s got a butt but he’s totally comfortable with it HAHAHA).  It can’t even tell you how awesome this was…plus is there anything sweeter then feeling a guys hand on the small of your back??  It was also really cute how he was yelling at me for leading…that’s right boy, take charge!  When you can let your guard down, do something a little crazy and really be goofy with someone you can connect with them in such different ways then when you’re just on opposite sides of a table shooting get-to-know-you facts back and forth.

Eventually it was getting late and being we both get into work when the rooster crows we decided to call it at night.  We’d already been together about 5hrs at this point so it wasn’t the worst thing to wrap up.

When we got out to my car he immediately says what a good time he had and that we should definitely dance together again soon…then made some other reference about dancing or something which implied sex as a joke which made me blush so badly because I couldn’t think of anything snarky enough to reply and just stood there wide eyed and red.  After getting a good laugh at me he grabbed me, hugged me and gave me a bunch of kisses on the cheek.  The fucking cheek!?!?!?  Just inch your lips over slightly and meet mine please.  I know he was being a gentleman and perhaps he was nervous or maybe he just likes to keep you guessing and anticipating.  Who knows?  All I know is that I wanted to be kissed so now I really want a second date just to make that happen! 

Ps- he just texted me a picture of a bottle of chocolate milk…and it’s from Wawa…which he is about to learn is my most favorite place ever!!!!  Plus one for the Rival.

Whoa, Its a Website....

I got a call last night from a guy I emailed a couple of times online.  I wasn’t getting very warm and fuzzy feelings from his emails as most of them were only a couple of words to a couple of lines.  I try my best to keep the email exchange with anyone to a minimum so I gave him my number and told him to call. 

I hadn’t heard from him but frankly barely thought about it since he wasn’t someone I was completely dying to meet…but someone who seemed like he could be interesting…maybe.  Well, the other day I get an email from him asking for my number again because he deleted his entire inbox and never wrote it down.  Innocent mistake or is he an idiot?

Last night he texted me to see if he could call.  Ok seriously?  Do guys actually do that?  Why not just call and then you’ll know whether or not I’m available.  I understand it’s a little “safer” to text and get the go-ahead but come on, be an adult.

Anyway, the entire conversation was laced with statements like “ooohhhh shit”…and I swear he sounded like he was stoned.  He probably wasn’t but that’s the best way to describe the way he spoke…I just don’t think he’s very smart.  For instance he asked what I did so I tell him and he says “oh so did you like go to college and shit?”  Yes, I did go to college and shit…you don’t become an engineer by having a cute smile.  And his reply “ooohhhh shit, so you must be like real smart.”  Oh boy, yeah compared to some I suppose I am (I didn’t actually say this but really wish I did).  And this is how the conversation continued.

He then starts telling me that he never knew okcupid was a full blown website.  What?  Yeah, he said he downloaded it on his Droid, which he says he can’t use very well because he’s not very good with technology, and always thought it was just an app on his phone.  I swear to God I wish I was kidding right now.  He told me he used to be an amateur boxer so perhaps he was hit too hard too many times but seriously…are you that fucking stupid??  Anyway, he said he came across it on his friends computer who also uses the site and is so happy because it makes seeing the site so much easier.  Wow, you fucking think so?  I eat veggies with a higher IQ than this guy.

Anyway, he said he really wants to take me out and would love to do some kickboxing training with me at his gym since he is a personal trainer.  That was the best part of the conversation.  A part of me would love to get some free one on one time with a trainer and it would definitely be the most unique first date but then I’m not too sure I can handle having another conversation with this guy.  What do you guys think?? 

First Date Potential???

See you at 8...

I spoke to Husky last night.  I first called him when I thought he would be home but in fact he was running late and was only on the ferry.  So, he said he'd call me when he got in his car.  We eventually spoke later on last night and I danced my way through some sort of explanation about why I went MIA this weekend...I'd tell you what it was but I honestly don't remember what the fuck I said.  I can confidently say there was an apology, some bullshit and a desperate attempt to change the subject.  


Well long story short we are going to go out for ices tonight...nice and casual and delicious...plus it doesn't require me to sit there and have a meaningful conversation while simultaneously trying to navigate my way around an entrée, seem engaged and interested and maintain eye contact.  Dinner first dates are just too complicated...now ices on the other hand is a great first date.  I actually suggested to Patches recently that she does that for a first date...and she did...and they went out a second time...see, I'm a genius :)  


Anyway, 8pm tonight Husky is scheduled to pick me up.  This means I'll miss zumba =(  but I couldn't possibly say no again...so I'll go for a run and get excited for some chocolate cupcake flavored ice...now excuse me while I wipe the drool off my keyboard.

Lights....Camera....Astoria!

From time to time I take notice of these little unintentional trends in my dating life.  I stress unintentional because they are purely coincidences that I don’t typically realize until after the fact and are not things I try to seek out.  In fact, I feel the only purpose these trends tend to serve is to make me feel I need more variety when it comes to the men I’m dating.  Two examples…I have dated an overwhelming number of men whose first name starts with the same letter…this may seem silly but when that letter is also the start of  the first name of your ex who you’re not too fond of it gets aggravating…I feel like its haunting me and I don’t like it…stop it you stupid letter, I’m so done with you!  Another is careers…I seem to keep coming across these men who work in similar career paths…now before you start shaking your head at me thinking I’m being ridiculous or nit-picky understand I’m not talking about common careers like teachers, accountants or cops…I’m talking about ooh I don’t know…producers for instance.  Yes, I said producers, and after my date on Thursday I have now gone out with 3…THREE…men with aspirations to “make-it” in the world of entertainment.  The first worked in movies, the second for HBO and the third commercials.  I know for some of you hearing this will be like finding out there is not Santa Claus (my apologies for letting that slip to those who didn’t already know) but the reality is the film/television industry as far as I’ve seen is not all the glitz and glam we are lead to believe it is.  Sure its cool and I’m sure its really thrilling at times but so is walking across a steel beam several hundred feet in the air…so, until one of these men offers me a part in something they are working on I remain unimpressed.

Allow me to introduce produce number 3...Splint.  I know that so far I’ve given all the men more or less actual names but in this case, Splint works well.  Splint is a 100% Greek guy raised in CT, living in Astoria (shocker!) and I’m sorry to say that yes, his parents own a restaurant but it’s a pizza place not a diner…I know I was disappointed too, looks like there are no gyros and French fries with an extra side of tzatziki(white sauce) in my future, so sad.  Splint actually started to annoy me even before our first date with the constant texting.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for modern technology and I’m well aware of the turns dating has taken over the past few years but there is still something to be said for old school conversation.  I refuse to accept a date over a text message…and I was starting to get the impression Splint may have thought he could get away with that.  Why must I teach these boys everything??  Lucky enough he got the hint, picked up the phone and called me.  Bravo, Splint, Bravo.  We had a nice chat and made plans to meet up in Brooklyn the next day since it was a good middle ground.  He said he was off from work so he could get there anytime I wanted…it all seemed almost too easy.

And naturally it was.  Just as I’m about to leave work I get a txt saying that he would need to meet up an hour later then we planned if we still meet up in Brooklyn.  Here is that devil of my early departure from work rearing its ugly head again.  I had already killed more time then I could possibly bare at work and was at the point that Splint either had to hurry the fuck up and get to Brooklyn, make new plans or I was ready to cancel.  Ultimately it was decided that I would go to Astoria...typically I don’t love going to the guy on a first date, its really nice for a guy to come to you…but whatever it wasn’t that far and I’ve always wanted to check out the bars in Astoria. 

I arrive in Astoria and after circling the blocks by his apartment I finally find a spot with a meter…not cool…but then discover its broken…so cool!  Things are looking up.  As I walk down the block towards his place he’s standing outside and I notice something funny…his arm is all bandaged up…and if its not already painfully obvious that is why we call him Splint.  He tells me a quick story about soccer (a Greek playing soccer…another shocker lol) and hurting his arm, I wasn’t really paying attention because I was too busy staring at the small army of chest hairs poking out of the collar of his shirt.  What TMI??  Yes, well those were my thoughts exactly.  I know, Greeks are hairy…I honestly wish I could stop with all the stereotyping but hey they have stereotypes for a reason right? And besides, I’m half Greek so I’m allowed…anyway, this was a little much for me being that I hate excessive hair.  Facial hair, chest hair, back hair…no. thank. you.  I like a guy nice and smooth.  I tried to get past this as I nearly inhaled my first beer…partly because I was so hot and it was cooling me off and partly because I was soo hungry and being we hadn’t said anything about dinner I was doing the next best thing and filling up on carb filled beer…college taught me well.

A couple of beers later and my stomach has stopped yelling at me to feed it and Splint decided it was time to leave our first location because it “kinda sucks”.  Why the fuck would you take me to a place that you would describe as sucks with any word besides “doesn’t” in front of it.  Idiot.  Then he redeems himself and makes the best suggestion of all…that we head over to the Beer Garden.  I was trying my best to play it cool but secretly I was doing flips inside…I have heard about this Beer Garden from as long as I could really understand what one was and I have always wanted to go.  In fact I hear a lot of great things about the nightlife in Astoria but I seem to always fail when trying to get my friends to take a trip out there with me.  Maybe if I can experience some of this awesomeness my eyewitness report will be enough to convince them.

As we walk to the garden I notice that the rumors about Astoria being a Greek filled place are all true…restaurants, lawyers, clubs, etc almost every store front has a Greek name, flag, smell, etc associated with…and I’m not going to lie I was loving it.  We passed a little café and Splint promised he was going to buy my Mom pastries there on the way back…oh sure I said completely rolling my eyes and laughing thinking he actually believes I bought that.

Well the beer garden was fun…after we sampled about 5 different beers (and I hated all of them) we finally found something we both liked and he got a pitcher for us.  I’m not sure how much he was expecting me to drink but there was no way I was having half that pitcher, I had to drive home and sleeping over because I drank too much was not an option.  We are finally ready to leave and as we are walking back Splint pulls me into the café we passed earlier and begins ordering some delicious desserts (in Greek, which I was actually able to follow) for me to take home to my mom.  I wasn’t sure if I was impressed with his kindness or a little put off being that we just met…I settled with somewhere in between.  He stood there and made me promise that I wouldn’t eat them on the way home before my mom got to try them…ok, listen Splint I’m not some sort of fat-ass who can’t contain herself to the point where I’m going to tear into a ribbon wrapped box of pastries and start chowing down with my bare hands while driving.  In other words, they will make it home in one piece.

The Juicy Details – This should probably be called the hilarious details this time but lets just get on with it…Splint walks me to my car to say good night…this is always the part that gets me most giddy because I always look forward to seeing how a guy approaches this if we haven’t kissed yet during the night.  Watching him weave and bob his way around my face in the midst of deciding “do I go in for the kiss” is just amazing.  Splint was a classic!!!  I can’t tell you how many times he kissed my cheek, the other cheek, my forehead, gave me a hug and said good night.  Eventually I felt bad for the guy and offered to drive him (half a block lol) down to his apartment in hopes of giving him another opportunity to sneak in for the kiss…ultimately it was a big fail…it was more of the weaving and bobbing and I almost felt bad enough seeing him struggle to just grab his face and make it happen just to put him out of his misery…but…I didn’t :)  I’m truly evil sometimes.  Besides always leave them wanting more right?  

And there is certainly some truth to that because Splint definitely wants to go out again…he’s only texted me about it half a dozen times and I swear if he sends me one more text to ask me what I think about that I may lose it.  Will there be a sequel...?  Guess we'll have to wait and see...but you know what they say...sequels are never as good as the original...and when the original was only ok you dont have too much material to work with.  Stay tuned....

We click like a Pin and a Stripe....

Well, as I mentioned Pinstripe followed through on his promise and sent me a text…and another and another, etc…but very infrequently…so infrequently that this boy was testing my patience (of which I really have none).  My friends tell me all the time that when you first meet someone its common that you speak and communicate sparingly.  I just don’t get this concept…I can’t really wrap my head around it.  The way I function is less with the games and more with this is how it is and take it or leave it…I wouldn't say I wear my heart on my sleeve but I'm not very good at repressing or hiding my feelings...perhaps this is a contributor to my lack of success?  Who knows.  But either way Pinstripe would text one day, I’d respond the next…insert another day or two of silence and more of the same…wash, rinse, repeat.  I ultimately got to the point where I was annoyed and getting seriously bored with this.  Is this guy ever going to say anything other than mundane bullshit…if he asked me one more time about my weekend or made one more joke about shots or anything pertaining to do with the night we met without asking me to hang out I was going to freak.

So, being the person I am (blunt and honest about my feelings) I sent him a text one Friday afternoon saying “So are we ever actually going to grab drinks again?”…and just as soon as I hit send I realize…fuck, I STILL don’t know his NAME!!!  I’ve now placed myself into a mini panic trying to find a way to get around this in the event he agrees to get together.  What have I done?  And just as I started to calm myself down…hell froze over…I get a text back from Pinstripe which said “If you can tell me my name, we can go out.”  YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!  Did I read that right?  Is this really happening?  I can’t even begin to guess what his name is, how am I going to respond to this?  I consider deleting the text and acting like I never got it…or making some kind of joke…and then I somehow come up with this “genius” response…”How about we play the what was I wearing, what do I do game?”  Clearly he’s onto me and there is no reason at this point to pretend otherwise and in the long run make myself look like a real idiot…so I came up with the cutest, most flirty way to admit he’s right without actually saying so. 

Just as my girls and I are clanking our glasses together to toast to my cleverness my phone starts vibrating and its Pinstripe!!  Cue mini panic button again.  Now, let me put this situation into perspective for you…its Friday night, probably around 9:30 or so…I’m out with my girlfriends and we had been drinking since happy hour…I was in no shape to have a decent conversation with a guy whose name I do not know.  But thankfully the conversation went fabulously.  We chatted, I learned his name, we joked a bit and we agreed to get together soon. 

After that conversation things just went full throttle…the texts got more frequent, he sent me cute pictures, we chatted on the phone a bit (I’m talking marathon conversations…like when your cell starts burning your ear) and more and more I start to grow to really like this guy…well, as much as you can like someone your ‘text dating’.  Yes, I made that up so just go with it.  The more we talk the better he gets…the fact is I felt like I knew more about him then guys I’ve gone on multiple dates with.  He made me laugh constantly, totally made me blush with texts like “Have I told you lately I like you”  it seemed too good to be real.

Finally we make plans to get together.  We were supposed to go see a band and meet up with a bunch of his friends.  I meet him at his apartment and one glass of wine got refilled one too many times and we end up skipping the show.  We were so caught up in conversation that there were no distractions necessary.  I completely left it up to him if he wanted to go or not since he wanted to see the band and it was his friends we were meeting.  But he chose to stay.  Somehow the conversation turned to sore muscles or massages or something along those lines (and stop rolling your eyes, this is the oldest trick in the book I know)…and before I know it I was rubbing his back and then we are full on making out.  It was like a month of tension built up over the phone was just pouring out.  It was fabulous and I was totally getting my make-out fix.  Props to Pinstripe for being a good kisser.

Eventually its 3:30am…not really eventually more like suddenly…I felt like the last time I checked the clock it was 11:30 so how the hell did 4hrs pass?!?  Time flies so they say.  Well I realize I need to get going before I fall asleep there or while I’m driving home…neither of which would be ok…time to break myself away and be responsible.  Pinstripe is a total gentleman and walks me to my car and we say good night. 

The Juicy Details:  The following week I’m crazy busy and I suppose he was as well because our texts are fairly infrequent but I think nothing of it until I get a message from him saying “Sorry, work week is crushing me”  I respond the next day assuring him its not a big deal and to hang in there since there is one day left.  Then the kicker…1am Thursday night/Friday morning I get a text (which I don’t see until I wake up to pee at 3am) which says “Sorry I have been lacking in response…things just got a little weird with an ex girlfriend of mine and I’m trying to sort it out”  HUH??  So, I spend the next day stressing about how I respond to something like when I can’t even figure out why he felt it was necessary to tell me that.  We met once, briefly, we have hung out once since then…we are not in a serious relationship let alone any form of a relationship on any level…there is such a thing as being too honest and there are points in time when even the most open and honest people need to learn that full disclosure is not always necessary or welcomed.  So, eventually I respond “Ok”  Fact is, as much as I want to see Pinstripe again he has really thrown me for a loop and I have some serious mixed emotions…that coupled with the fact that even though most try to tell me otherwise I truly believe he may have just changed his mind and that was the best excuse he could come up with…instead of taking the mature road and just saying so (I've never really understood the beat-around-the-bush act).  I suppose we’ll see what happens but in the meantime I have no expectations of him ever contacting me again.  You win some, you lose some.

The Office...Episode 1

So, had I not become a complete slacker, taking laziness and procrastination to new heights this post would have actually been a lot longer and written a couple weeks ago.  Since its been a while since these events occurred and even though my memory is still fresh…my attempt to catch up on what’s been going on is overriding my desire to provide you with an overwhelming amount of detail.  So the next few posts will be more like summaries just so I can get back into real-time…and because I’m extremely impatient and can’t be bothered with the past.  Sorry!

Rewind back to the end of June.  I start talking to this great guy who we will call…hold on while I google the characters name…Jim Halpert…from The Office…a show I’ve watched once or twice but never got into.  You’ll understand the reference shortly.  Jim seemed like a great guy.  He made me laugh, was extremely driven and successful and seemed so sweet.  We were finally able to make plans after some time of talking…he and I had conflicting schedules for a couple of weeks…and I was really looking forward to finally getting to meet him.

The morning comes when we are supposed to meet and I get a message saying “Would you absolutely hate me if I had to cancel?”  Bastard.  I sometimes get these weird feelings and can almost anticipate things before they happen…does this happen with a lot of people?  I had a feeling the night before that he was going to cancel but wasn’t sure if I was being insecure or realistic, so when that message came it sent me into such a tizzy.  Well, he explained there was a server down at work and his day just turned into a living hell and he wasn’t sure how late he was going to have to stay.  Long story short I told him that regardless if we hang out or not I’d be in the city anyway and we can just play the evening by ear.

As I’m en route to the city that afternoon he tells me he’s probably going to have to stay in the office but he really wouldn’t mind a visitor.  I thought he was joking but no, he was totally serious.  He wanted me to come and hang out in his office for a bit.  I gave him credit for working with what he had and trying his best not to cancel but was really skeptical about going to see some guy (who I never met) at his office.  What if he kills me and stuffs me in an air duct?  Yes, this went through my mind.  But when I finally shook the thought I said, fuck it…live a little and go. 

I can honestly say it was a great decision.  I would never recommend doing this intentionally but having a first date in his office was awesome.  There was nothing to distract us, no drinks to cloud judgment, great lighting to see him well and it turned out it was just the two of us there.  We just talked and 2hours melted away.  If I didn’t have to run out of there like Cinderella from the ball to go and pay the meter I know we could have sat there all night.  Next time.

The Juicy Details:  While we were both so disappointed I had to leave so quickly and he was stuck working we reassured each other we’d definitely go out again.  He walked me to the door and we had a long, tight hug.  As we were standing there reluctant to say goodbye he sweetly grabs my hands, pulls me in and put my arms around his neck and we kiss.  Just thinking about it now puts a smile on my face…it was the sweetest kiss…and I couldn’t wait till we could do it again.  In case I haven't mentioned it already...I'm a total sucker for good kisses...I like them more than most things so a guy being a good kisser and active kisser is extremely important.  For instance, my ex was a great kisser but I was constantly forced to beg to be kissed...I felt frustrated and baffled...how could a person not want to kiss??  It was a constant area where we butted heads and stood at a roadblock...everyone is different and it came down to the fact that I think I'm just a more passionate person then he is, to each his own...but moving fwd awesome, frequent kisses are a must have and so far Jim has the awesome down.
Ps- on the way back to my car I got a txt from him saying how wonderful it was to meet me and he couldn’t wait to see me again…score! 

I'm Not a Doctor....

I’ve been struggling trying to figure out exactly what to say about this next date.  Frankly, it left me uninspired perplexed and in a state of wondering…what the fuck just happened?  So, I will say in advance this is going to be short and sweet because truth be told I’d rather not even try and write about it but to be true to the blog I know I must. 

So, I started talking to this guy who is a doctor…but not really a doctor.  Yeah, scratch your head about that one.  It’s the whole dentist complex.  They don’t actually go to med school so therefore I guess they are not technically considered doctors.  This guy was specifically an Oral Surgeon.  Pretty cool….until he starts talking about taking out my teeth.  Don’t mix work/surgery and romance thank you.

Cool job aside, we had talked on the phone a few times and as is the norm these days texted a bunch.  I can honestly say he kept me laughing…albeit sometimes it was a bit of a nervous laugh like “dude I don’t know you well enough to know if your serious or not but I sure as shit hope your joking.”

        For example…he started going on and on about how our first date should be a trip.  Like we should pick a place and stay for the weekend and we’ll both drive there so in case it’s weird we have our own cars.  (IN CASE ITS WEIRD….?!? Like there is another option….) 

That for the most part was how our conversations would go, him making these off the wall statements and me left scratching my head wondering if he’s serious. 

Then there was the constant saying of my name.  To explain further allow me to tell you about one of my pet peeves.  I really can’t stand when someone inserts your name into every line of a conversation.  “How do you feel about that, Mary?”  “Oh wow Bob, I really like that too”  “So Joe, what did you think of that game?”  You get the picture.  When done properly and infrequently I think weaving someone’s name into a conversation is nice.  Done excessively it gets a little creepy for me.  As you can guess this is exactly what happened.  It drove me nuts.

So finally we agree to get together and I’m not completely excited about it…weird huh?  We are on the phone because I’m trying to tell him where he can park and the next thing I know he’s cursing and saying he’s getting pulled over and *click* he hangs up.  The idiot was driving and talking on the phone.  He didn’t get a ticket, lucky for him, but I don’t feel bad about the embarrassment he suffered because there is no excuse for doing something stupid.  And yes, I feel that driving and talking on the phone without Bluetooth is stupid.

Well we finally meet up and immediately have issues at the diner with where we can sit..we head to the bar it’s a no go…inside no one is paying attention and finally we head outside and get a table.  We order a couple of appetizers and wine (god bless wine) and continue chatting.  The entire time he’s staring at me down his nose with this look that makes me think he’s contemplating my demise.  I keep wondering how much longer I have to sit there and endure this.

Finally the check comes and I couldn’t be more relieved. Unfortunately the feeling was only temporary because he insisted to walk me to my car.  Please tell me he’s not looking for a kiss!!  It took what felt like a year and a day to say good-bye and he left without that kiss I could tell he wanted.  Oh well.

The Juicy Details:  Aside from the lack of kissing him there was definitely no physical chemistry there.  More than that there was a lot of things I don’t feel we were compatible with such as family…he barely ever sees his and it doesn’t seem to bother him.  Family is extremely important to me and I could never go as long as he has without seeing them.  Then there was religion and sense of humor.  I love to smile and laugh and once we met in person he just totally stopped being funny.  It was worth a shot.

Mike "The Bad Situation"

Even if you’ve never watched an episode of the Jersey Shore, like me, you have certainly heard the name Mike “The Situation”.  Well, allow me to introduce you to Mike “The Bad Situation”.  This idiot wins the award for the worst date I’ve been on in…well, probably my life thus far.  And to make it worse this is the guy I “rescheduled” my date with S.F. Clinger for.  Stupid is as stupid does.

First of all Mike is one of those guys who seem to think texting is an acceptable way to have a conversation.  For god sake stop sending me 15 texts in a 5min span only for the last one to be “Hello?!?!?” because I haven’t been able to read and respond as quickly as you’d like.  News flash, I have a life and I’m not waiting on baited breath for my phone to chime with a text from you.  If you want an immediate response or you have a lot to say pick up the damn phone and call me!  I don’t understand how some people seem to be lacking the common sense that in some cases a phone call is required.

Here are a couple of examples when a text is completely acceptable:

1)      Saying Good Morning/Good Night/Sweet Dreams/Have a great day…or something along those lines

2)      Double checking on a time, place, address, etc

3)      Saying you’re running late or asking “where are you”

4)      “Do you want to grab a drink?”…always 100% acceptable

And here are a few unacceptable times:

1)      To have a conversation/ fight

2)      To break-up

3)      “How are you?”

4)      To plan a first date/talk with someone you haven’t met

Now, Mike is like a little text slut.  He just wrote text after text and we’ll get into the pictures he sent later…yes, there were pictures.  Finally, he decides to call me and I immediately wished he stuck to texts.  Never satisfied.  Allow me to give you a taste of the conversation which found me cringing and cursing my hometown…imagine the thickest NY accent you possibly can…worse than Ms. Marissa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny…

Mike: So, uh, do you like the Jersey Shaw (shore)

Me: Well, I go once in a while, its not really my scene.

Mike: Oh so, uh, are you like a Jersey Shaw girl.

Me: No, not really…like I said, I’ll go down a few times during the summer but that’s about it.

Mike: Oh, well ya know, if we like hit it awf (off) I could uh take you down to Belmah (Belmar) and show you my shaw house (Yes, this guy is 33 and rents a house in Belmar with his friends...very mature)

Me: Oh ok.

Why I didn’t just cancel the date then is beyond me.  Perhaps it was that my frustration with the traffic I was sitting in was far greater than the aggravation this conversation was causing me but this showed poor judgment on my part.  If the sound of his voice was causing my ears to bleed over the phone then how the fuck was I supposed to sit and have drinks with him. 

Being born and raised in NY I have come to respect and tolerate everything.  You’re exposed to so much here I find I rarely (I said rarely because I am human and it happens) judge people because I’ve more or less seen it all at this point, nothing really shocks me.  There is one thing for as long as I can remember that I judge openly and cannot shake which may come as a surprise…the NY accent.  Whoever thought putting w’s where they don’t belong and replacing r’s with h’s must have been drunk, high or trying to play some really cruel joke because we now have an entire 5 boroughs of people who sound like uneducated idiots…job well done asshole.  

So, given how strongly I feel about the accent…and I will admit I have a slight one which will surface from time to time like disgusting word vomit…you can imagine how hard it was to sit through this date.

Finally I meet up with Mike at a local bar.  We sit down, order beers and before the bartender even sets them down Mike says “So, uh, I don’t have ADD or anythin' but I kinda get real bored if I stay in one place, I just cant really do it you know…I really like to move around…so maybe in like 40min or so we can go somewhere else.”  Michael, sweetie, first of all…you just defined ADD…not medically perhaps but socially…yeah, you’ve hit the nail on the head.  Second of all, its 9pm on a Thursday and we’re not in the city…where exactly do you propose we go in 40min???

The next thing I know he’s saying hello to buddies of his from his shore house.  I was mortified…this guy is 33 years old…what the fuck is he doing?!  Clearly age does nothing for a man’s maturity.  I buried my face in my beer hoping the idiocy would end quickly…but was quickly reminded that wasn’t going to happen until this date ended.

When he finally stops putting on his little show we get back to talking and he tells me about his job.  He’s a history teacher for high school students.  He just kept bitching and complaining about how awful his students were, how they are completely unmotivated and won’t go anywhere in life.  I wanted to say, well listen to how you speak, what kind of example they have to follow?!?

So, we finally finish our beers and Mike wants to leave.  He keeps trying to get me to go somewhere else but I mutter something about being tired and wanting to go home.  I had mentioned to him during our god awful conversation about the new car I just got (which I am completely in love with!) and he was begging me to let him see it.  Fine, no harm, no foul. 

We walk to my car and he gets in!!  I wanted to tell him to get the fuck out but decided to be cool and hope this didn’t last long.  Of course I was wrong.  He sat there trying to continue on the conversation.  He had grabbed my hand and before I was able to react he started kissing it!!!  Excuse me skeeze ball but your lips do not belong within a 10ft radius of me.  Now, I desperately needed purell and was contemplating how rude it would be to bath my hand in it with him still sitting there. 

Now he starts rambling on about massages or something and offers to show me his skills.  Meanwhile I’m thinking the most impressive skill I’d like to see him display would be how quickly he can get out of my car.  But still, against my better judgment I figure fuck it, let him rub my shoulders for a few minutes because 1. Getting through this date has sufficiently stressed me out and I wouldn’t mind a neck rub and 2. At this point I’m desperate for an excuse not to look at him.

WHAT A MISTAKE!!!  All of a sudden I feel this wetness on my shoulders and my skin begins to crawl.  This fucking creep was actually kissing my shoulders!!!!!  Are you KIDDING ME?!?  Well, enough was enough and I quickly kicked him out of my car.  Buh-bye, god speed, lose my number, thanks.

The Juicy Details:  Clearly getting kicked out of my car wasn’t enough for this guy.  He called me Friday night at 10pm…don’t you have a life??...then texted me on Saturday and a few other times during that week.  Somewhere in the span of this he also sent me a picture message or two of him in his boxer briefs…nothing else...you can imagine the horror!!!  First, someone should introduce this guy to a razor or an esthetician fast.  Any girl he dates should carry around a lint roller because I'm positive he must shed.  Second, EW!  Finally, I sent a well worded text to hopefully end this once and for all.  People always talk about all the creeps on the internet…Congratulations Mike, your one of them.

The Tale of S.F. Clinger

Some things are just not meant to be and my date S.F. Clinger (stage five clinger) happened to be one of those things.  He contacted me through this IM feature on the dating site which I never even knew existed before that…this is a prime example of how  effectively I use the site (note the sarcasm).  An email would have done just fine buddy…I guess some people prefer instant gratification.  Since he was so impatient I was forced to quickly scramble to check out his profile and make sure I haven’t started a conversation with Shrek or Norman Bates.  All seems good to go with the exception of one thing…religion.

Religion is a touchy subject with most people.  My EX, Mr. In as we’ll call him (short for Mr. Indecisive…)…Carrie had Mr. Big, I got Mr. In, however did I get so lucky…we were from different religions and while it wasn’t a struggle in the present I sure as shit knew that down the line it was going to create an issue which could have been the end of us...but being a seasoned pro at ending our relationship Mr. I took care of that all on his own.  I almost forgot to thank him for being predictable, where are my manners?  Anyway, I don’t see any problems with interfaith dating when two people truly love each other and are willing to speak openly, honestly and make compromises.  If both people are passionate about their religions then both people need to be passionate about sharing and learning as much as they can about each other’s backgrounds for the relationship to work…in my opinion.  In some cases you have one person who is indifferent and one who is religious so that religion is typically adopted in the home.  When both people have a strong affiliation to their religion then discussions need to happen and work needs to be put into it.  It can be a very exhausting and emotional process, especially if you’re doing it alone.  There is so very much I can say on this but I’m not going to get into my experience now because this post is dedicated to S.F. Clinger, we’ll leave the rest for another day.

Due to my experience however, I am weary about starting another interfaith relationship.  I’m not completely closed off to it and I’d never turn someone down because of their background but the honest truth is…and you have no idea how much it sucks to write this…my parents were right.  There I said it…now no one ever repeat that to them!  They need not know how smart they can be.  They would tell me time and again “A marriage is hard enough; you shouldn’t add more problems to it.”  Meaning an interfaith relationship will put a lot of strain on a marriage and they were worried for me.  So, the fact is I’m pretty exhausted from my last relationship and I’m not sure I have built up the strength to go through the struggles of an interfaith relationship again.  Even so, I chat with Clinger anyway. 

We brought the conversation to regular IM (who knew people still actually used AIM…talk about blast from the past!)  and really I was quite impressed…at first.  He was sweet, flirty, and attentive and it was more of the same on the phone.  He was willing to drive out to see me which is always a plus.  Now the day comes when we are supposed to go out.  It’s a Thursday and being we’re “buddies” he seems to try and chat constantly.  So we talk a little in the morning and he tells me he is going to a doctor’s appointment or something and will be back later.  Not really a big deal because 1. I’m at work and have a ton of shit to do and 2. Being that I’ve never even seen his face I’m not exactly feeling like I need a play by play of his day.

Cue Clingers return from the doctor and the IM that killed it all for me….”Hey I’m back….how much did you miss me?”  Now, before you start to think I’m being harsh and try to say “maybe he was kidding” I gave him the chance to show he was…and it didn’t happen.  He completely dropped the ball.  I realized through the conversation that he was completely serious.  DUDE!!!   Really?  I absolutely did not miss you.  In fact, I wouldn’t have cared if I didn’t speak to you until we were meeting up later.  Frankly, you have now successfully scared me and freaked me out.  Had he laughed when I did or dropped the…”did you miss me”, “oh when we are together we’ll do this”, or “as we hang out you’ll learn about that” talk…maybe things would be different.  But in the matter of a few IMs this guy wrote us into a relationship.  I’m sorry buddy but you’ve got the wrong girl…I have a mind of my own and right now it’s telling me to cancel this date fast before you tattoo my name on your ass or get us his and her coffee mugs. 

The Juicy Details:  I quickly sought therapy for the emotional scaring Clinger caused…But in reality I did cancel the date and ended up scheduling another one that afternoon in its place.  When opportunity knocks…

Napoleon The Greek

For those of you who don't already know or in case I haven't mentioned it yet, somewhere out there in cyberspace there is a profile about me eagerly waiting to see if I catch someone’s eye.  Online dating is definitely an interesting concept, one which I'm a total advocate of.  I know to some it still seems completely taboo because they are afraid people will judge them, it seems weird or some other bizarre reason I don’t have the energy to entertain.  But let me ask you, how is meeting someone online any more embarrassing or less socially acceptable then either meeting a dozen people in 30 seconds or thinking you’ve found the love of your life after you’ve downed 5 beers, 6 shots and a few jager bombs?   I am constantly encouraging friends to try it out because it’s actually pretty fun.  In a time when people have become increasingly busy and are at an age where you no longer have an entire campus of co-eds at your fingertips it becomes much more difficult to meet people.  I find that being online opens up a new opportunity to meet people you may never have otherwise.  I always say worst case you have a bunch of cocktails, a few dinners and conversation without meeting anyone who is “boyfriend material”…best case you meet your very own Casanova.  Now that being said I can move on to telling you all about Napoleon The Greek.

Leon as we'll call him for short is one of my online finds; truth is most guys I'm dating I've met online.  I came across his profile one day while I was "taking a break" at work and looking for my potential boyfriend...who does that??  Anyway, he seemed promising from his profile.  He had this big smile and looked like he really took care of himself…personal hygiene always a plus.  He wrote all about his family, how much he enjoyed going out to new restaurants and how he wants to run a half marathon (aka he’s not a chubster sitting on the couch drinking beer and playing video games).  All fairly basic but enough for me to send him an email and strike up a conversation.  A few emails, txts and a phone call or two later and we have dinner plans.

When he told me the restaurant he picked out I was quite impressed.  Ok actually my first reaction was, what is he nuts?  The place was one I had wanted to go to for a while so for that it was awesome, however, for a first date…it was a bit much.  The first issue was that I really don’t like eating in front of people I don’t know.  I understand it’s a bizarre kind of phobia to have and its one I try to suppress constantly.  The second is that this place is intimate, romantic and fairly upscale.  Now, I will never turn down someone who wants to wine and dine me but I just feel like it’s a lot of pressure for a first date.  Maybe it’s just me but the more I date the more I feel that the best course of action is plan for drinks and go from there.  If it all works out, we are in NYC it’s never too late to find a great place to eat. 

So the day arrives and I knew in advance I’d be arriving to the West Village before he would because I get out of work a lot earlier.  Not a big deal because I was able to walk around, shop and take a quick trip to Magnolia (where I got chatted up by a cutie who asked for my number & a cupcake date…) when it rains it pours.  And pour it actually did.  Down came the damn rain and all I kept thinking was fucking great now I’m going to feel tired, my hair will frizz and my mascara will run and there is no one here to warn me to wipe the black from my face. 

Well Leon finally arrives, late but its NYC so shit happens I’m not going to judge, and I almost died.  I started cursing myself for neglecting to retain what I read in these profiles better.  When I was planning my outfit for the night I should have remembered that Leon’s profile stated he was only 5’6’.  (Personally my preference is taller, broader shouldered type men but I’m dating so I want to expand my horizons and give everything a shot.)  I had on boots that have only about a 2 or 3” heel but it was enough to allow me to see clear over Leon’s head.  Shit.  I immediately felt myself starting to slouch and could just hear my mother’s voice screaming at me to “stand up straight”.

Inside we’re given this cute little table and from start to finish the conversation flowed.  We talked about everything and had a lot of laughs.  We were so caught up we sent the waitress away about a half dozen times before she could take our order…I swore she was going to spit in our food.  As the dinner went on there were two things that were starting to annoy me the way a little gnat you just can’t squish will.  First he kept cracking jokes about how he’s going to tell all his friends he may have went out on a date with his cousin.  Why would he do something so stupid?  Well, during one of our phone chats we found out our grandfathers are both from an extremely tiny island in Greece.  There is actually a really good chance they were friends, but related?  Give me a break.  Second, and the reason we now call him Napoleon, is that he clearly had an issue with his height.  He kept bringing up how he knows he put down that he’s 5’6” but he’s really probably more like 5’5” and he feels we’d work because I’m short too.  Well Leon I really wouldn’t have gave two shits about the inch or the fact that you’re about a half foot shorter than most guys I tend to go for but you had to go and make it the pink elephant in the room.  It’s like that scene in Austin Powers with the mole and how it just consumed his attention…well the more Leon spoke the smaller and smaller he seemed.  Listen, you are who you are so embrace it and rock the shit out of it and people will never notice. 

We split desert, not the check and said our goodbyes by my car.

The Juicy Details: There were none.  He walked me to my car, we chatted briefly, he leaned in..I introduced him to my cheek and we said we’d talk soon.  In other words, this was fun and best of luck.