Friday, September 16, 2011

Do U Miss Me? - Part 2

For those who missed it or need a Part 1 of "Do U Miss Me?" - HERE

I was recently looking up locations for a particular store and one of the cities listed rang a bell and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why.  When I was entering the city into my gps it pulled up an address in the same city which I had previously saved…it was for the Producer…ah-ha…that explains why it was so familiar.

Yesterday morning I’m sitting at work…bored (which seems to be the norm recently…hence me spending more time sending out my resume then I do being productive for the job I actually have)…and the Producer was on my mind.  I thought I had deleted his number but still I went through my contacts and there he was.  So in a vague stream of consciousness, I texted him.  I said “So I was around your city recently and I couldn’t figure out why it seemed so familiar…then I remembered ;)  hope all it well mister!!”  I fully expected a response of “who is this?” or something cold and disinterested or nothing at all…I received “And you didn’t call me? How rude!  What’s weird is I caught myself thinking of u a few days ago”

Oh? Wow.

Blah blah typical how are you banter commences then…


He wastes no time really.

Reply: “Not presently”  I had considered trying to fuck with him but decided it really wasn’t worth it.  I had no idea where this conversation was heading.

Producer: “That’s a shame.  Such a smile should always have someone admiring it. How’s the job”

At this point I’m just so surprised and confused by these little flirty compliments…what is he trying to charm me or something?  And yeah, real smooth asking about my job after saying something like that.

I respond and more banter ensues.  He eventually proceeds to tell me he still has my name in his phone as Seal which one drunken night at a bar he decided to start calling me…I suppose its  been that way ever since.  He says its because I have “really cute paw hands”…don’t ask.

I turn the tables and ask about him.  I refuse to ask the specific question of whether or not he has a girlfriend…I don’t need him to think that’s where I’m going with all this.  I’ll let him take the lead on this conversation's direction.

He tells me everything is good…work is good and he’s been traveling to and from Ireland a lot (soo jealous!!!)  his roomies moved out (he owns his own home and a couple of friends were living there with him) and ultimately not much has changed.  I told him I had just been in Ireland in November and was so jealous of his travels there.  To which he responds:

“What part of Ireland?  I’ll be leaving next Sunday and staying in Belfast for two weeks…you should come and visit me.”

Me: “Luck you to spend 2wks there!!”  (conveniently ignoring that invitation!)

Producer: “Fly out and spend a weekend with me.”  (persistent aren’t we?)

Now I decide to cave and mention the important question:

Me: “First I just got back from London so I really shouldn’t be spending more $$ for a flight…Second don’t you have a gf? (THIS is the important question) Third…despite all that it does sound super fun lol”  (I mean lets be serious…that would be quite a story and most likely would be fabulous fun)

Producer: “I like your third reason, your wrong on the second one and for your first reason…blah, you will always make more money”  (touché)

Producer: “We could pick up where we left off just this time its in Ireland.”

Me: “LoL that sounds like it should be some MTV reality show…where exactly did we leave off?”  (a question I really wanted the answer to)

Producer: “I’m not seeing a problem here”  (completely ignoring my question is terribly frustrating)

Me: “Perhaps a different location…maybe one not clear across the Atlantic.”

I then get accused for not having a sense of adventure which I took to heart bc I absolutely do and I made sure he knew it.  I'm sorry but I take an accusation like that to heart and had to defend myself.  I found out he’s been going over there to interview a cast and crew for a new show HBO will be producing…man, this just sounds cooler by the minute.  Sigh.

He then sends me over a picture to show me a view of where he was during his last visiting.  It was breathtaking.

Me: “That’s absolutely gorgeous…I miss those views.”

Producer: “U miss me?”

I was just leaving work when I saw that and I couldn’t catch my breath for a minute.  WHAT??  My jaw was on the floor.  Now that was unexpected and I didn’t know how to answer.  That’s a seriously bold question to ask and I couldn’t figure out fast enough what to do.  My mind was racing, my heart was too…I felt almost panicked.  I don’t know…did I miss him? 

Clearly, I haven't forgot about him…but does that mean you miss someone?  I don’t know.  I always think so fondly about our time together…but again does that mean I “miss” him?  But then after a few unanswered phone calls to my bestest girls I tried to take a deep breath and think about him.  and just him.  Really…what did I feel.

To try and avoid the question while I continued to think I eventually responded “Good question ;)”   so lame!

Then: “U miss me?”  Just to try and turn the table.

Producer: “Do you want me to miss you?”  (he’s always been good at avoiding the question…clearly that hasn’t changed)

Me: “What girl wouldn’t want to be missed?”

Producer: “Very true, but you didn’t answer my question.”

Me: “You didn’t answer mine either.”

Producer: “I asked first missy.”  (fair enough…he did..but still!!! I don’t want to answer first!)

I gave it one last thought and said:

“Its funny, I hadn’t really thought about it so your question kind of caught me off guard…”

Producer: “I’ll take that as a polite no”

Me: “But yeah, on some level.  So its not a no.”

Producer: “LOL well that put a smile on my face.”

Me: “So now you…miss me?”

Ready for this….because I certainly wasn’t….

Producer: “You have somehow managed to never leave my mind.”

I almost had tears in my eyes and literally had to sit down.  Granted…I was on my 10th+ game of flip cup so that probably had something to do with my reaction but while I pulled myself together I managed to write

“Really?  So why haven’t you ever called”  (Bam!!)

Producer: “I’ve been in and out of relationships.  I’m not the one to cheat or lead someone else on.”

Me: “Fair enough, I can respect that.  So now…”

Producer: “You tell me.”  (No….YOU tell ME…since you kind of started this.)

I told him it depends on what he’s looking for…since 1. Last we had spoke about “us” he had told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious and essentially just wanted a FWB thing 2. If that’s what he’s looking for this is being squashed immediately because I’m not built for or interested in that kind of thing

Silence.  Till the next day (yesterday) when I get: “sorry love, I passed out last night and have been in meetings all day”  LOVE?!?!  Oh no no…I’m not your love and that’s not cute…we are not at the pet name thing at this moment and especially not names like that.  I know, I know people say that casually but it just didn’t feel right here.  I didn’t say anything besides no worries.

So at this point I’m still not sure what he was looking for by having that conversation…not sure if I should ask or just wait for him to start it up again.  it’s a bit strange how the conversation had so much momentum and now I’m sitting here just baffled.  A part of me says, let him be the man and come after me with any additional things he wishes to discuss…but naturally the part of me that hates being curious and left with unsettled questions is dying to make him speak.  Truth is I’m probably going to do my best to follow the former and just be patient.  If he goes MIA or just doesn’t bring it up again then I know he was full of shit…I could be wrong but something tells me that won’t be the case but I know in the long run no matter the outcome, it will be much more satisfying if I don’t initiate it.

Now I plan to stuff my stomach as much as possibly this weekend with tons of incredible Greek food at my church festival this weekend…yes, I plan on going all three days don’t judge me…and wait.  I fucking hate waiting.     

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Do U Miss Me? - Part 1

I owe you all a post on London…I know.  I’m sorry…sort of.  I mean I do feel guilty but simultaneously realize that time hasn’t been on my side since I’ve been back so its not completely my fault.  Right?

Anyway, you’re probably thinking while I’m sitting here typing away with this silly bullshit it would be the perfect opportunity to share the details of my getaway.  And you’d be right.  It is!  Buuutttt…. its not.   Huh? 

You see, I NEED to fill you in on something and I’m just so amped up about it I’m putting things out of chronological order…I know I’m such a rebel…that’s just how I roll.  Deal.

So, heres the scoop…there is a guy from the past…about 2 years ago almost exactly to be honest.  I’ve never talked about him here before because, well there was never a reason to.  He’s the past.  And the whole situation got very clouded by Dipshit that while I’ve been in touch with him here and there over the past 2 years it was all nonsense and not worthy of ever thinking about or mentioning here.

Here is the history…back when I was a paying member of Match I one day got a very entertaining email from a guy.  I checked out his profile and while the content seemed fabulous I wasn’t 100% sure about my physical attraction to him.  He seemed cute but it was one of those situations where either he is legit cute or those were the best pictures taken of him…ever.  So in a leap of faith and mainly because I liked his email so much I decided to respond.  For those who are curious, the message, while I don’t remember exactly what he wrote to start it off, closed with him saying something along the line of “ok now we’re going to play a game…grab your ipod, hit shuffle and tell me the first three songs that come up.”  A part of me was terribly nervous that he may judge me for having things like the soundtrack to WICKED or Britney Spears on my ipod or that he had some weird way of knowing what kind of person I am based on the type of music I listen to…would these three songs be a deal breaker?  There really was no way to tell so I did as he asked and never felt so nervous hitting send on a message before (or probably since).  I later found out that he had absolutely no care in the world what the songs were and it was just his way of being fun and different…clearly he succeeded.

Well, anyway we chatted on the phone…set up a first date and I can still remember him walking across the street to meet me for the first time.  I got sudden was weird.  He was definitely legit cute.  But not in the traditional way…there was just something about him.  anyway, we got drinks, then went for dinner…he wanted to share apps and dessert, we ordered our own entrees…I don’t like to eat in front of people I don’t know but there was something so comfortable about being with him that it wasn’t bothering me as much.  Even the bill paying wasn't weird...I offered to pay naturally but he was just so smooth and confident about how he went about taking the check and handling it, every time (the entire time we dated actually)...I wish every guy was like this.  We didn’t want the night to end yet so we walked from dinner to a wine bar.  Along the way we were chatting about the Ballroom/Latin dance lessons I was taking and suddenly he grabbed my hand, twirled me around then swooped me into a graceful dip…looked me in the eyes and gave me the sweetest, toe tingling kiss.  When we finally left the wine bar he was in a great rush to catch the last train out of the city and I needed to head to the bus.  He insisted I couldn’t go alone so he put us both in a cab and made the driver first drop me off at the stop.  The whole while we couldn’t keep our lips apart…he did, however, manage to ask when he could see me again. 

We managed to squeeze in two dates before I left for a long weekend in Vegas.  We chatted while I was away and I truly couldn’t wait to see him when I got back.  Things steadily grew between us…we were getting together regularly…I met his friends…he met some of mine…we had even agreed to wait to sleep together until we were more serious.  And we did.  And when we did…it was awesome and worth the wait.

When December rolled around I anticipated not seeing him much as he warned me from when we first met that December is always a really insane month for him at work…he’s a Producer for HBO. (The Producer is what my friends refer to him as)  As a side note, getting to sit in an editing room with him and his assistant and watch them piece together footage for previews of upcoming shows was actually pretty amazing.  At the time his biggest project was for the show called The Pacific…if anyone saw any of the previews on HBO for that show…he did that.  Pretty fucking cool.

Anyway, December…that brought a huge disappointment for me.  I went from talking to the Producer everyday to nothing at all.  My excitement was deflated…I didn’t know what happened.  What changed so suddenly?  Simultaneously while I’m dealing with this confusion I was being begged and pleaded with from Dipshit to give him another chance because I’m his "soul mate" and all that other garbage he threw out at me.  It was an extremely emotional and confusing time. 

Well, the holidays came and went and when I thought I’d be giving the Producer the awesome Jets mug I bought him I didn’t even get a Merry Christmas text.  New Years Eve when I thought I’d been kissing him at midnight I found myself being kissed by Dipshit…how did this happen??

A few days later is my birthday (the 3rd for anyone who wants to put it on the calendar so you remember to get me a gift) and suddenly after rocking out hardcore with my sister and some friends in Long Beach I get a text…”I’m so very sorry…for everything.”  The wind was knocked out of me.  Did he remember it was my birthday??  Long story (as per usual) short…I ended up locking myself in our friends bathroom while everyone was drunkenly passed out had an emotional, teary eyed (for both of us) conversation with the Producer about what happened. 

Essentially he said he freaked out because things were getting more serious and instead of talking about it he kind of “ran”.  He said he felt so guiltly because I didn’t deserve that…damn fucking right…and he just didn’t know what to say.  We ended the call making it seem like we were going to get together again and kind of see what we wanted to do.  Being my resolve was weakening and I was falling stupidly back into things with Dipshit, nothing ever really came of it but naturally I didn’t forget him.  He made me so happy and made me feel so wanted and cared for in ways Dipshit never did…and its not like he did anything all that extraordinary.  It was just so different.  I was genuinely happy…I smile now just thinking about it.

We hung out months later in the spring right before I stopped talking to Dipshit all together.  We had dinner…hooked up…and left it at that.

I remember reaching out to him randomly another time and I forget why exactly and eventually I mentioned that we should grab drinks and catch up (and I meant it completely innocently and platonically)…his response…”I think my girlfriend would be uber sexual jealous if I went out for drinks with you.”  Forget the fact that I don’t even know what that was supposed to mean I just said sorry and something about it being a shame he couldn't have girls as friends and left it at that.  He had a girlfriend and wasn’t interested in seeing me, even as a friend.

I hadn’t heard from him since.  Until recently…. (more to come)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Shame on you NYC...

For being more gross and rainy then London!!!  I mean really...London is famous for its fog, rain and crap weather...same as imagine my surprise when I'm across the pond and the weather for the most part (while cold) was lovely...and I return home to...shit.

Such is life I suppose...what's up America.

Anyway...I'm totally, completely and head over heels in love with London.  I didn't want to leave.  I want to go rent a flat and stay for a bit.

I can't wait to tell you all about the trip but with my outlook full of unread emails I have to attend to, all your new posts I want to catch up on oh and the fact that it took me 2.5hrs to get into work making me 1.5hrs late (oops) and then having to unwrap my desk..yes, you read that right, my coworkers decided to completely wrap my desk in plastic wrap and individually wrap my accessories like my mouse, notebook, files, etc...its been quite a morning!

small example of the hilarity that was my desk

I'll hopefully be able to write it all up tomorrow since it is Friday and I don't plan on working very head is still across the pond...

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Fish, Chips & Bloody Good Times

Well Good Morning everyone!!!  While I still have some State side news I need to fill you in on I'm in a bit of a time crunch at the moment and won't have time to write.

I wanted to get a quick post out to let you know I'm going to be crossing the pond this evening and landing in LONDON in the AM!!!!

I have wanted to go to London for as long as I can remember...Greece is at the tippy top of my list and I'll hopefully be going with my ENTIRE family next year...but for now I'm going to get to cross London off the list.

I'm going with my sister and a few friends...all except for my little sis are single...this means we're going to have a really good time =)

Any advice, tips or inside info on places where I could meet a Prince would be greatly appreciated!!!

I promise to return with amazing, juicy stories for you all...miss you till then!!!  (unless I get access to a computer over there...i opted not to lug along my laptop...and can shoot out a quick post or two)