Friday, August 6, 2010


From time to time I take notice of these little unintentional trends in my dating life.  I stress unintentional because they are purely coincidences that I don’t typically realize until after the fact and are not things I try to seek out.  In fact, I feel the only purpose these trends tend to serve is to make me feel I need more variety when it comes to the men I’m dating.  Two examples…I have dated an overwhelming number of men whose first name starts with the same letter…this may seem silly but when that letter is also the start of  the first name of your ex who you’re not too fond of it gets aggravating…I feel like its haunting me and I don’t like it…stop it you stupid letter, I’m so done with you!  Another is careers…I seem to keep coming across these men who work in similar career paths…now before you start shaking your head at me thinking I’m being ridiculous or nit-picky understand I’m not talking about common careers like teachers, accountants or cops…I’m talking about ooh I don’t know…producers for instance.  Yes, I said producers, and after my date on Thursday I have now gone out with 3…THREE…men with aspirations to “make-it” in the world of entertainment.  The first worked in movies, the second for HBO and the third commercials.  I know for some of you hearing this will be like finding out there is not Santa Claus (my apologies for letting that slip to those who didn’t already know) but the reality is the film/television industry as far as I’ve seen is not all the glitz and glam we are lead to believe it is.  Sure its cool and I’m sure its really thrilling at times but so is walking across a steel beam several hundred feet in the air…so, until one of these men offers me a part in something they are working on I remain unimpressed.

Allow me to introduce produce number 3...Splint.  I know that so far I’ve given all the men more or less actual names but in this case, Splint works well.  Splint is a 100% Greek guy raised in CT, living in Astoria (shocker!) and I’m sorry to say that yes, his parents own a restaurant but it’s a pizza place not a diner…I know I was disappointed too, looks like there are no gyros and French fries with an extra side of tzatziki(white sauce) in my future, so sad.  Splint actually started to annoy me even before our first date with the constant texting.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for modern technology and I’m well aware of the turns dating has taken over the past few years but there is still something to be said for old school conversation.  I refuse to accept a date over a text message…and I was starting to get the impression Splint may have thought he could get away with that.  Why must I teach these boys everything??  Lucky enough he got the hint, picked up the phone and called me.  Bravo, Splint, Bravo.  We had a nice chat and made plans to meet up in Brooklyn the next day since it was a good middle ground.  He said he was off from work so he could get there anytime I wanted…it all seemed almost too easy.

And naturally it was.  Just as I’m about to leave work I get a txt saying that he would need to meet up an hour later then we planned if we still meet up in Brooklyn.  Here is that devil of my early departure from work rearing its ugly head again.  I had already killed more time then I could possibly bare at work and was at the point that Splint either had to hurry the fuck up and get to Brooklyn, make new plans or I was ready to cancel.  Ultimately it was decided that I would go to Astoria...typically I don’t love going to the guy on a first date, its really nice for a guy to come to you…but whatever it wasn’t that far and I’ve always wanted to check out the bars in Astoria. 

I arrive in Astoria and after circling the blocks by his apartment I finally find a spot with a meter…not cool…but then discover its broken…so cool!  Things are looking up.  As I walk down the block towards his place he’s standing outside and I notice something funny…his arm is all bandaged up…and if its not already painfully obvious that is why we call him Splint.  He tells me a quick story about soccer (a Greek playing soccer…another shocker lol) and hurting his arm, I wasn’t really paying attention because I was too busy staring at the small army of chest hairs poking out of the collar of his shirt.  What TMI??  Yes, well those were my thoughts exactly.  I know, Greeks are hairy…I honestly wish I could stop with all the stereotyping but hey they have stereotypes for a reason right? And besides, I’m half Greek so I’m allowed…anyway, this was a little much for me being that I hate excessive hair.  Facial hair, chest hair, back hair…no. thank. you.  I like a guy nice and smooth.  I tried to get past this as I nearly inhaled my first beer…partly because I was so hot and it was cooling me off and partly because I was soo hungry and being we hadn’t said anything about dinner I was doing the next best thing and filling up on carb filled beer…college taught me well.

A couple of beers later and my stomach has stopped yelling at me to feed it and Splint decided it was time to leave our first location because it “kinda sucks”.  Why the fuck would you take me to a place that you would describe as sucks with any word besides “doesn’t” in front of it.  Idiot.  Then he redeems himself and makes the best suggestion of all…that we head over to the Beer Garden.  I was trying my best to play it cool but secretly I was doing flips inside…I have heard about this Beer Garden from as long as I could really understand what one was and I have always wanted to go.  In fact I hear a lot of great things about the nightlife in Astoria but I seem to always fail when trying to get my friends to take a trip out there with me.  Maybe if I can experience some of this awesomeness my eyewitness report will be enough to convince them.

As we walk to the garden I notice that the rumors about Astoria being a Greek filled place are all true…restaurants, lawyers, clubs, etc almost every store front has a Greek name, flag, smell, etc associated with…and I’m not going to lie I was loving it.  We passed a little café and Splint promised he was going to buy my Mom pastries there on the way back…oh sure I said completely rolling my eyes and laughing thinking he actually believes I bought that.

Well the beer garden was fun…after we sampled about 5 different beers (and I hated all of them) we finally found something we both liked and he got a pitcher for us.  I’m not sure how much he was expecting me to drink but there was no way I was having half that pitcher, I had to drive home and sleeping over because I drank too much was not an option.  We are finally ready to leave and as we are walking back Splint pulls me into the café we passed earlier and begins ordering some delicious desserts (in Greek, which I was actually able to follow) for me to take home to my mom.  I wasn’t sure if I was impressed with his kindness or a little put off being that we just met…I settled with somewhere in between.  He stood there and made me promise that I wouldn’t eat them on the way home before my mom got to try them…ok, listen Splint I’m not some sort of fat-ass who can’t contain herself to the point where I’m going to tear into a ribbon wrapped box of pastries and start chowing down with my bare hands while driving.  In other words, they will make it home in one piece.

The Juicy Details – This should probably be called the hilarious details this time but lets just get on with it…Splint walks me to my car to say good night…this is always the part that gets me most giddy because I always look forward to seeing how a guy approaches this if we haven’t kissed yet during the night.  Watching him weave and bob his way around my face in the midst of deciding “do I go in for the kiss” is just amazing.  Splint was a classic!!!  I can’t tell you how many times he kissed my cheek, the other cheek, my forehead, gave me a hug and said good night.  Eventually I felt bad for the guy and offered to drive him (half a block lol) down to his apartment in hopes of giving him another opportunity to sneak in for the kiss…ultimately it was a big fail…it was more of the weaving and bobbing and I almost felt bad enough seeing him struggle to just grab his face and make it happen just to put him out of his misery…but…I didn’t :)  I’m truly evil sometimes.  Besides always leave them wanting more right?  
And there is certainly some truth to that because Splint definitely wants to go out again…he’s only texted me about it half a dozen times and I swear if he sends me one more text to ask me what I think about that I may lose it.  Will there be a sequel...?  Guess we'll have to wait and see...but you know what they say...sequels are never as good as the original...and when the original was only ok you dont have too much material to work with.  Stay tuned....

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