Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Peace Out Stupid Year

Good Morning Loves!!!  I’ve missed you all soo very much!!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you for not abandoning me while I’ve been completely MIA from life in general these past few weeks.  I’d dish it all out for you but I promise the details are as ugly as a Monday…

But here is the overview...I was crazy sick and had to postpone my dates, they ran down the list of infections, found inflamed lymph nodes and had to check for cancer (I’m clear thank god) now I’m finally feeling better ..then my car was rear ended while I was on my way to work which threw me into such a rage the guy that hit me was practically shaking, oops and to put the cherry on top of this fuck my life sundae I ended up having to get an emergency wisdom tooth extraction right before Christmas.  This caused me to miss a 12 Pubs of Christmas bar crawl I had planned with a few of my girlfriends for which I got the most amazing toy soldier costume...I need to find a use for it now.  The Vicodin was a blast but not being able to eat like the piglets my cousins and I turn into on the holidays was fucking miserable.  God Bless desert though…nice and soft and extraction friendly…but fuck you desert for making feel like a lump of fat the past few days.  When a doctor prescribes a diet of shakes and ice cream and no exercise it makes me wonder if he may be the devil.

So as we all can see amongst all this insanity my poor blog has been neglected and my adventures derailed which is really the biggest travesty of all.  Seriously, fuck you December.  I’m so over 2010...get it the fuck away from me.  Bring on the new year because this year fucking sucked…with one exception being the creation this blog and meeting all of you.  Seriously, thanks for being a tremendous highlight in an otherwise fairly shit ass year.  Your comments, emails, and your own blogs have touched me in so many ways (and I liked it every time…can I have seconds?)  I can’t wait for a brand new year with all of you!!

Onto more fun and interesting things...There was a chance I was going to be heading to Miami for NYE but due to a few complications, such as ticket prices skyrocketing we switched focus back to NYC, which in the long run is probably better for me but not for you since I can’t even imagine the stories I would have come back with.  I'm hoping I am back in tip top shape to party it up for NYE and bring back some good stories for all to drool over…I have to make up for not going to party in the city where the heat is on (sorry I had to!!)  I’ve got a couple more days to rid my face of my bruise and perk up to my normal party standards.  Wait, screw that…I need to be above normal.  I haven’t have a fun night out in nearly a month and I deserve it.  So I need to step it up and rock the fuck out.  I’ve got till midnight to find a hottie to make out with and damn it I will!!  Its that or Patches will be getting a face-full of me! 

There is a chance that Jim from way back to The Office Episodes 1 & 2 may come with my friends and I for NYE.  I haven’t seen him since our last date and we haven’t talked too much since I botched the fuck out of his invite to his birthday but yesterday we got to chatting and when I heard he didn’t have any plans yet I, in a moment of crazy I couldn't keep at bay, extended an invitation to him to join us. Um what?!?  Who does that?!?!  This may end up being awesome or seriously stupid.  I won’t be upset if he says no and then again I may be upset if he agrees.  If he comes I basically just ended my chances of flirting for the evening…if there are hot guys there I will want to kill myself…if not, then score for me.  I anticipate him giving me an answer today so let’s wait and see what happens.

Either way…I hope you all have a safe, happy, get-drunk-and-make out New Years!!! (please leave your cars at home!!)  Emphasis is especially on the make out part because you know me and that’s my favorite.  Anyone who doesn’t have someone to kiss on NYE let me know, I’ll tell you where I’ll be and I will be happy to kiss you.  I promise you there is no better way to start the year then a kiss from me.  xoxo

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Just a Little Frosting...

Earlier this week, while bored at work (I must be honest), I decided to hop online and peruse the internet for a potential suitor.  For a variety of reasons I haven’t really done this much recently.  Partly because my life has felt like such a fucking train wreck I can barely think straight.  Partly because I’ve been meeting so many hotties while I’m out (this isn’t an issue just an excuse).  Partly because some of the guys that had been popping up online leave me wondering if there was a sudden severe drought in the gene pool because it was a total snooze fest and had me googling whether you can legally marry your vibrator.

Thankfully the other day was a bit refreshing.  After logging in for the first time in, oooh I dunno, maybe a month or so…I’m telling you Ireland totally fucked up my chi…in a good way…but damn a month!...anyway, I logged in and found there is actually a very nice selection of meat men  waiting for me.  Before trying to contact any of them I decided it was a good time to review my own profile and see if it needed some TLC. 

Oh and folks let me tell you, it certainly did.  I switched up a couple of the pictures and did a total revamp of my About Me section.  And here is where the meats and potatoes of this post comes in…for those of you ballsy enough to be on a dating website perhaps this may come in handy for you.  When you really start to take a look at other peoples profiles you will realize it’s the same fucking thing over and over and over again...and I was guilty of this as well until this week.  It’s  like we’re all sitting around with a thesaurus in our lap furiously looking up every adjective we can find that may describe our personalities and we just throw them up there separated by a million fucking commas and think this will impress someone.  Then we start rambling about how much our family and friends mean to us and how much we love spending time with them.  Well, unless your some sort of psychotic serial killer or a complete loner (in which case you probably wouldn’t be on a dating site) the chances are you do love your family and/or friends and will enjoy spending time with them.  Almost everyone likes movies, trying new restaurants and can dress up as well as dress down.  It seems every fucking person in NYC thinks they are spontaneous and would love to travel more.  And of course we all want to meet someone who DOESN’T play games…which is actually funny since almost everyone says this yet, you still meet people online who play them…fucking liars.

So, I’ve just called out about 97% of dating profiles.  If you fit into this why would someone feel completely compelled to write (something personalized) to you.  Well surely you’ve got your pictures and obviously there are people who are extremely talented with the written word so they can take all the cliché stuff and make it sound interesting.  Bravo people, bravo!  While there are plenty of times I will be interested and want to contact  someone with the standard profile but it’s usually just with a wink.  It’s the ones with someone different, something funny or off beat to say that will really catch my attention and make me want to take the time to write an email.  You all know how refreshing it is to read something different, it’s almost like getting splashed in the face with cold water and you feel like you just woke up from the profile coma the other duds put you into.  If everyone is writing the same thing then shouldn’t all that shit just be obvious?  Why not take your profile as an opportunity to tell these people why you are special and different and why they would want to date you instead of the 500 other people with just as attractive pictures who also are fun, energetic and competitive.

After calling myself out on being a card carrying member of the “Your Profile is Going to Make Me go Fucking Catatonic” club I decided to jazz things up a bit…by the way for some reason this totally made me think about the scene from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days when Kate Hudson tells Matthew McConaughey that the dog collar with diamonds is “just a little frosting”…a little sparkle can go a long way to get you noticed!!

 I made a few bullet points of information about me that’s different and fun to “frost” my profile and see what would happen.  Here are a few examples:

*My love for rum makes me wonder if at some point I might have been a Pirate (I think I’d make a pretty awesome Pirate )

*There is a really good chance I will kick your butt in Mario Kart and Rock Band (am I just that good or do I play dirty??)

*Chocolate Milk…enough said

*Snuggling is my kryptonite...don't judge me!

Now this isn’t anything spectacular or mind blowing but it’s just a little different then the norm and let me tell you…my inbox was on FIRE!  Between emails, IMs and winks I’ve been getting a lot of attention.  Whether it’s from the new information or not it’s hard to say for sure…but being that it’s the biggest thing I’ve changed (the pictures are definitely not doing it especially since one of them is me completely covered in mud) I’m putting my money on me being right.  Oh and I suppose the fact that guys keep referencing how awesome my profile is and how cool I sound helps back me up as well.  Instead of getting the standard “Hey, how are you?” type messages guys are picking out things from my profile and commenting on them.  I’ll say that this is something I’ve always done with guys who have a more unique profile…it gives you the opportunity to write something interesting, which is nice for both the reader and the writer because really how much does a “Hey, how are you?” email suck!!!  How the fuck are you supposed to respond to that?  “Yeah I’m good.  And yourself?”  and end communication. 

I’m now challenging all of you to check out your profile if you have one or if your thinking of making one or if you have a friend who has one find out their password and commandeer it…read through it yourself, have a friend read it, read it to your dog and see if it rolls over and plays dead to make you stop…be objective and see if your profile could use a little life support…and who knows before you realize you may be booked up with dates until Christmas!!

The Juicy Details: Just from yesterday alone I now have 3 dates scheduled next week with a physicist, a Navy man and a guy who I’m not 100% sure what he does yet but he’s hilarious so what the hell…now it’s your turn!!!  *Frost Yourself!*

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Verdict Reached....

THANK YOU so much to everyone who sent along some words of wisdom for my last post Write or Stay Silent.

You all gave me a lot to consider and it was all extremely helpful.  This is why I'm so fucking in love with all of you!!! 

So, what I've decided to do is this...I'm going to write the post but I'm not going to put it on the blog...*yet*.  Until I have an opportunity to really chat with my friend about it I'm not going to paste the story on the front page of my blog...sad I know, but I have a heart, love my friends and would hate to offend anyone.  Most of you told me to just go for it...after all it is my blog and I should write whatever I feel passionate about and I was completely riding that train like a champ.  I felt all...fuck that shit I'm saying what I want because I can motherfuckers!  Ok, maybe I wasn't that obnoxious but you get the idea....then I read this tid bit from Mademoiselle Hautemess and it really struck a cord with me..."...your blog won't take you for drinks when you are sad or happy, your blog won't listen to you cry, your blog won't tell your ex to go fuck himself..."  She's 100% right and there is nothing more satisfying then having people tell your ex to fuck off and nose dive off a cliff.

With that, if you would like to read the post when I'm finished with it send me an email and I'll pass it along to you!  There is an excellent chance it will end up on the blog after all but for those who lack patience, like me, just hit me up here and I'll satisfy all your wishes ;-) 

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Write or Stay Silent...

I’m having a bit of a dilemma and I’m not sure what to do about it.  It’s nothing terribly serious, its completely blog related.  Basically there is a post I really, really want to write.  It’s about an outing from this past weekend.  The dilemma, however, is that if I write this post it will reveal my feelings/opinion, which I haven’t and probably may never say out loud, on the events of the evening that involve a friend of mine. 

You may be asking why would I write about it then…and here is why…it’s something I have a strong opinion about and something I feel would bring out a point I constantly try to make to people I know, girls especially.  My hesitation in writing stems from the fact that there is a chance my friend could read this and I don’t want to upset them in case they do.

So the question is…do I write what I want to write and get my feelings and thoughts out there on my own blog whose purpose is to be a medium for me to do such things while taking the risk of a friend potentially being upset over it or perhaps potentially learning something….or do I stay quiet?

I know this is a personal choice but I’d love to hear what the rest of you would do…this is a tough one.