Do U Miss Me? - Part 1

I owe you all a post on London…I know.  I’m sorry…sort of.  I mean I do feel guilty but simultaneously realize that time hasn’t been on my side since I’ve been back so its not completely my fault.  Right?

Anyway, you’re probably thinking while I’m sitting here typing away with this silly bullshit it would be the perfect opportunity to share the details of my getaway.  And you’d be right.  It is!  Buuutttt…. its not.   Huh? 

You see, I NEED to fill you in on something and I’m just so amped up about it I’m putting things out of chronological order…I know I’m such a rebel…that’s just how I roll.  Deal.

So, heres the scoop…there is a guy from the past…about 2 years ago almost exactly to be honest.  I’ve never talked about him here before because, well there was never a reason to.  He’s the past.  And the whole situation got very clouded by Dipshit that while I’ve been in touch with him here and there over the past 2 years it was all nonsense and not worthy of ever thinking about or mentioning here.

Here is the history…back when I was a paying member of Match I one day got a very entertaining email from a guy.  I checked out his profile and while the content seemed fabulous I wasn’t 100% sure about my physical attraction to him.  He seemed cute but it was one of those situations where either he is legit cute or those were the best pictures taken of him…ever.  So in a leap of faith and mainly because I liked his email so much I decided to respond.  For those who are curious, the message, while I don’t remember exactly what he wrote to start it off, closed with him saying something along the line of “ok now we’re going to play a game…grab your ipod, hit shuffle and tell me the first three songs that come up.”  A part of me was terribly nervous that he may judge me for having things like the soundtrack to WICKED or Britney Spears on my ipod or that he had some weird way of knowing what kind of person I am based on the type of music I listen to…would these three songs be a deal breaker?  There really was no way to tell so I did as he asked and never felt so nervous hitting send on a message before (or probably since).  I later found out that he had absolutely no care in the world what the songs were and it was just his way of being fun and different…clearly he succeeded.

Well, anyway we chatted on the phone…set up a first date and I can still remember him walking across the street to meet me for the first time.  I got sudden butterflies...it was weird.  He was definitely legit cute.  But not in the traditional way…there was just something about him.  anyway, we got drinks, then went for dinner…he wanted to share apps and dessert, we ordered our own entrees…I don’t like to eat in front of people I don’t know but there was something so comfortable about being with him that it wasn’t bothering me as much.  Even the bill paying wasn't weird...I offered to pay naturally but he was just so smooth and confident about how he went about taking the check and handling it, every time (the entire time we dated actually)...I wish every guy was like this.  We didn’t want the night to end yet so we walked from dinner to a wine bar.  Along the way we were chatting about the Ballroom/Latin dance lessons I was taking and suddenly he grabbed my hand, twirled me around then swooped me into a graceful dip…looked me in the eyes and gave me the sweetest, toe tingling kiss.  When we finally left the wine bar he was in a great rush to catch the last train out of the city and I needed to head to the bus.  He insisted I couldn’t go alone so he put us both in a cab and made the driver first drop me off at the stop.  The whole while we couldn’t keep our lips apart…he did, however, manage to ask when he could see me again. 

We managed to squeeze in two dates before I left for a long weekend in Vegas.  We chatted while I was away and I truly couldn’t wait to see him when I got back.  Things steadily grew between us…we were getting together regularly…I met his friends…he met some of mine…we had even agreed to wait to sleep together until we were more serious.  And we did.  And when we did…it was awesome and worth the wait.

When December rolled around I anticipated not seeing him much as he warned me from when we first met that December is always a really insane month for him at work…he’s a Producer for HBO. (The Producer is what my friends refer to him as)  As a side note, getting to sit in an editing room with him and his assistant and watch them piece together footage for previews of upcoming shows was actually pretty amazing.  At the time his biggest project was for the show called The Pacific…if anyone saw any of the previews on HBO for that show…he did that.  Pretty fucking cool.

Anyway, December…that brought a huge disappointment for me.  I went from talking to the Producer everyday to nothing at all.  My excitement was deflated…I didn’t know what happened.  What changed so suddenly?  Simultaneously while I’m dealing with this confusion I was being begged and pleaded with from Dipshit to give him another chance because I’m his "soul mate" and all that other garbage he threw out at me.  It was an extremely emotional and confusing time. 

Well, the holidays came and went and when I thought I’d be giving the Producer the awesome Jets mug I bought him I didn’t even get a Merry Christmas text.  New Years Eve when I thought I’d been kissing him at midnight I found myself being kissed by Dipshit…how did this happen??

A few days later is my birthday (the 3^rd for anyone who wants to put it on the calendar so you remember to get me a gift) and suddenly after rocking out hardcore with my sister and some friends in Long Beach I get a text…”I’m so very sorry…for everything.”  The wind was knocked out of me.  Did he remember it was my birthday??  Long story (as per usual) short…I ended up locking myself in our friends bathroom while everyone was drunkenly passed out had an emotional, teary eyed (for both of us) conversation with the Producer about what happened. 

Essentially he said he freaked out because things were getting more serious and instead of talking about it he kind of “ran”.  He said he felt so guiltly because I didn’t deserve that…damn fucking right…and he just didn’t know what to say.  We ended the call making it seem like we were going to get together again and kind of see what we wanted to do.  Being my resolve was weakening and I was falling stupidly back into things with Dipshit, nothing ever really came of it but naturally I didn’t forget him.  He made me so happy and made me feel so wanted and cared for in ways Dipshit never did…and its not like he did anything all that extraordinary.  It was just so different.  I was genuinely happy…I smile now just thinking about it.

We hung out months later in the spring right before I stopped talking to Dipshit all together.  We had dinner…hooked up…and left it at that.

I remember reaching out to him randomly another time and I forget why exactly and eventually I mentioned that we should grab drinks and catch up (and I meant it completely innocently and platonically)…his response…”I think my girlfriend would be uber sexual jealous if I went out for drinks with you.”  Forget the fact that I don’t even know what that was supposed to mean I just said sorry and something about it being a shame he couldn't have girls as friends and left it at that.  He had a girlfriend and wasn’t interested in seeing me, even as a friend.

I hadn’t heard from him since.  Until recently…. (more to come)