Do U Miss Me? - Part 2

For those who missed it or need a refresher...read Part 1 of "Do U Miss Me?" - HERE

I was recently looking up locations for a particular store and one of the cities listed rang a bell and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why.  When I was entering the city into my gps it pulled up an address in the same city which I had previously saved…it was for the Producer…ah-ha…that explains why it was so familiar.

Yesterday morning I’m sitting at work…bored (which seems to be the norm recently…hence me spending more time sending out my resume then I do being productive for the job I actually have)…and the Producer was on my mind.  I thought I had deleted his number but still I went through my contacts and there he was.  So in a vague stream of consciousness, I texted him.  I said “So I was around your city recently and I couldn’t figure out why it seemed so familiar…then I remembered ;)  hope all it well mister!!”  I fully expected a response of “who is this?” or something cold and disinterested or nothing at all…I received “And you didn’t call me? How rude!  What’s weird is I caught myself thinking of u a few days ago”

Oh? Wow.

Blah blah typical how are you banter commences then…

“Boyfriend?”

He wastes no time really.

Reply: “Not presently”  I had considered trying to fuck with him but decided it really wasn’t worth it.  I had no idea where this conversation was heading.

Producer: “That’s a shame.  Such a smile should always have someone admiring it. How’s the job”

At this point I’m just so surprised and confused by these little flirty compliments…what is he trying to charm me or something?  And yeah, real smooth asking about my job after saying something like that.

I respond and more banter ensues.  He eventually proceeds to tell me he still has my name in his phone as Seal which one drunken night at a bar he decided to start calling me…I suppose its  been that way ever since.  He says its because I have “really cute paw hands”…don’t ask.

I turn the tables and ask about him.  I refuse to ask the specific question of whether or not he has a girlfriend…I don’t need him to think that’s where I’m going with all this.  I’ll let him take the lead on this conversation's direction.

He tells me everything is good…work is good and he’s been traveling to and from Ireland a lot (soo jealous!!!)  his roomies moved out (he owns his own home and a couple of friends were living there with him) and ultimately not much has changed.  I told him I had just been in Ireland in November and was so jealous of his travels there.  To which he responds:

“What part of Ireland?  I’ll be leaving next Sunday and staying in Belfast for two weeks…you should come and visit me.”

Me: “Luck you to spend 2wks there!!”  (conveniently ignoring that invitation!)

Producer: “Fly out and spend a weekend with me.”  (persistent aren’t we?)

Now I decide to cave and mention the important question:

Me: “First I just got back from London so I really shouldn’t be spending more $$ for a flight…Second don’t you have a gf? (THIS is the important question) Third…despite all that it does sound super fun lol”  (I mean lets be serious…that would be quite a story and most likely would be fabulous fun)

Producer: “I like your third reason, your wrong on the second one and for your first reason…blah, you will always make more money”  (touché)

Producer: “We could pick up where we left off just this time its in Ireland.”

Me: “LoL that sounds like it should be some MTV reality show…where exactly did we leave off?”  (a question I really wanted the answer to)

Producer: “I’m not seeing a problem here”  (completely ignoring my question is terribly frustrating)

Me: “Perhaps a different location…maybe one not clear across the Atlantic.”

I then get accused for not having a sense of adventure which I took to heart bc I absolutely do and I made sure he knew it.  I'm sorry but I take an accusation like that to heart and had to defend myself.  I found out he’s been going over there to interview a cast and crew for a new show HBO will be producing…man, this just sounds cooler by the minute.  Sigh.

He then sends me over a picture to show me a view of where he was during his last visiting.  It was breathtaking.

Me: “That’s absolutely gorgeous…I miss those views.”

Producer: “U miss me?”

I was just leaving work when I saw that and I couldn’t catch my breath for a minute.  WHAT??  My jaw was on the floor.  Now that was unexpected and I didn’t know how to answer.  That’s a seriously bold question to ask and I couldn’t figure out fast enough what to do.  My mind was racing, my heart was too…I felt almost panicked.  I don’t know…did I miss him? 

Clearly, I haven't forgot about him…but does that mean you miss someone?  I don’t know.  I always think so fondly about our time together…but again does that mean I “miss” him?  But then after a few unanswered phone calls to my bestest girls I tried to take a deep breath and think about him.  and just him.  Really…what did I feel.

To try and avoid the question while I continued to think I eventually responded “Good question ;)”   so lame!

Then: “U miss me?”  Just to try and turn the table.

Producer: “Do you want me to miss you?”  (he’s always been good at avoiding the question…clearly that hasn’t changed)

Me: “What girl wouldn’t want to be missed?”

Producer: “Very true, but you didn’t answer my question.”

Me: “You didn’t answer mine either.”

Producer: “I asked first missy.”  (fair enough…he did..but still!!! I don’t want to answer first!)

I gave it one last thought and said:

“Its funny, I hadn’t really thought about it so your question kind of caught me off guard…”

Producer: “I’ll take that as a polite no”

Me: “But yeah, on some level.  So its not a no.”

Producer: “LOL well that put a smile on my face.”

Me: “So now you…miss me?”

Ready for this….because I certainly wasn’t….

Producer: “You have somehow managed to never leave my mind.”

I almost had tears in my eyes and literally had to sit down.  Granted…I was on my 10^th+ game of flip cup so that probably had something to do with my reaction but while I pulled myself together I managed to write

“Really?  So why haven’t you ever called”  (Bam!!)

Producer: “I’ve been in and out of relationships.  I’m not the one to cheat or lead someone else on.”

Me: “Fair enough, I can respect that.  So now…”

Producer: “You tell me.”  (No….YOU tell ME…since you kind of started this.)

I told him it depends on what he’s looking for…since 1. Last we had spoke about “us” he had told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious and essentially just wanted a FWB thing 2. If that’s what he’s looking for this is being squashed immediately because I’m not built for or interested in that kind of thing

Silence.  Till the next day (yesterday) when I get: “sorry love, I passed out last night and have been in meetings all day”  LOVE?!?!  Oh no no…I’m not your love and that’s not cute…we are not at the pet name thing at this moment and especially not names like that.  I know, I know people say that casually but it just didn’t feel right here.  I didn’t say anything besides no worries.

So at this point I’m still not sure what he was looking for by having that conversation…not sure if I should ask or just wait for him to start it up again.  it’s a bit strange how the conversation had so much momentum and now I’m sitting here just baffled.  A part of me says, let him be the man and come after me with any additional things he wishes to discuss…but naturally the part of me that hates being curious and left with unsettled questions is dying to make him speak.  Truth is I’m probably going to do my best to follow the former and just be patient.  If he goes MIA or just doesn’t bring it up again then I know he was full of shit…I could be wrong but something tells me that won’t be the case but I know in the long run no matter the outcome, it will be much more satisfying if I don’t initiate it.

Now I plan to stuff my stomach as much as possibly this weekend with tons of incredible Greek food at my church festival this weekend…yes, I plan on going all three days don’t judge me…and wait.  I fucking hate waiting.     

Give Me Everything...

Once in forever life throws something at you that makes you stop and think “holy fuck is the universe actually listening?”.  This week was kind of like that for me.  For a while now I have been bitching and complaining about men and sex or a lack of in each category.  I cursed the dating process for being so aggravating and somewhat unsatisfying.  I cursed all the good men for already being tied down.  I bit my tongue with slight feelings of jealousy every time I’d see someone else change their relationship to “engaged” along with an accompanying photo of a gorgeous ring on facebook.  And I cursed Dipshit for being the last person I slept with (and it not even being all that great or memorable) and wondered how people managed to find someone to get busy with outside of a relationship.  I’ve seen it happen, friends tell me about it, but how do they do it?!?!  Fucking baffling!  All I want is for all this to change…for some sign of how to make it all happen…for some divine intervention that will at least get the ball rolling!!

Then last weekend happened.  Not the one that just past but the one before…you read all about it…the epic nature of it…where the mystery of sex with strangers was solved as multiple guys tried to get me to go home with them (not that this is something I actually want, I get too attached and emotional to have casual sex, but I’m still curious), where a guy actually impressed me when trying to show he liked me…where I found that when you literally least expect it opportunities come around that just tickle you happy and leave you with the inability to resist.

As you read in my last post (and if you haven’t read, shame on you!  Go do it now and return back…Read Me) I had met this awesome Marine who, while from the area, is currently living on base in Cali & is preparing to leave for Afghanistan any day now.  There is also this other guy, Hot Work Boy, who I’ve known for a few years and have massive amounts of sexual tension with. 

So for Friday night HWB wanted to meet up with me in Hoboken and hang out.  Although from a lot of the recent messages I was receiving from him and the chats we’ve had I think his mind was on more than the usual hang out, make out and dance routine we normally have.  Bout time if you ask me.  I don’t know that I would have gone through with more but regardless I was really looking forward to seeing making out with him since it’s been a while.

After texting with the Marine all day Friday I ended up with two great offers and had to make a choice.  After a lot of debate and nervousness and completely cracking myself up over the situation (no joke, I couldn’t stop giggling because the thought of it all just completely tickled me)…I took a deep breath and made a decision.

I teach Zumba to little kids on Fridays at the Boys & Girls Club in Hoboken.  Its such an amazing hour since they are all so enthusiastic every time I show up.  Naturally after getting all sweaty with the kiddos all I wanted was a shower and a few drinks.  So, I took care of the first and went to meet up with Gryph to take care of the second.  As per usual he never disappoints and had a beer in my hand nearly the second I walked into the bar (McSwiggins if your wondering…its Gryph’s  fav spot).  Then came a few shots, more beer and me trying to calm my nerves for the evening.

He finally he arrived.  I was sitting next to the window chatting with some friends and in he walked.  Once he found me he walked right up and planted a big kiss on my lips (sounds soo junior high lol)  and I got to introduce him to my friends.  Friends…this is the Marine….Marine, friends!!!!

So yes, I picked the Marine.  It had nothing to do with his “patriotic duty” comment which so you all know was a complete joke…and besides he’s a Marine so I fully expect this kind of shit to come out of his mouth.  And nothing to do with him shipping off to fight a war.  And everything to do with me just doing something completely exhilarating.  Completely different then what I’ve been doing.  Something that can for once allow me to fully embrace my youth, my freedom and say fuck it I’m doing exactly what I want!

I tend to think things through way too much.  I consider the future, my feelings, my opinions, my friends opinions, anyone who I may meet in the futures opinions…ok that’s a lie and kind of extreme…but really, I over think a lot of things.  For once, I just wanted to live without thinking and just be fucking daring! 

Pitbull sums it up pretty damn well in my new theme song "Give Me Everything"

Give me everything tonight 

For all we know we might not get tomorrow 

Let's do it tonight 

Back to the evening…we all hung around at Swiggs for a bit and I was really enjoying the Marine’s company.  Conversation was so easy and he was funny, snarky and really sweet.  Gryph kept mentioning how into me he thought the Marine was and how he thought I really liked him too….I will neither confirm nor deny that.

Eventually we left to go next door to The Shannon…except that Gryph ditched me.  He promised he would return but I was weary.  So the Marine and I were left to fend for ourselves.  We got beers and started dancing.  I always appreciate it when a guy isn’t afraid to shake it a bit on the dance floor.  Then we both took a bathroom break  and when we met back up something happened.  I started to freak the fuck out.  When I walked over to him he immediately grabbed me, wrapped his arms around me and gave me a kiss.  Your melting right?  Totally sweet.  The Marine was nothing but sweet and affectionate!!  It was amazing.  Just what I keep saying I want.  Yet here I am with this great looking guy who is smart, successful, protects our country and here I am frantically looking around the bar at all the other guys I was thinking I could flirt with and the opportunities I am possibly missing out on and how if he kissed my head one more time I may bolt.

I kept frantically texting with Gryph begging him to come back and help me.   I was totally losing it.  It was bad.  But ever the amazing friend he is, Gryph managed to calm me down and convinced me to stay.  The fact is, after further discussion the following day I think what happened was that it was a lot in a little amount of time.  We knew each other a week and I knew it was more or less finite since he would be leaving and usually affection like that between two people builds as you get to know them while your dating.  There wasn’t much of a getting to know period and the closeness, which I’ve been craving, completely caught me off guard.  What worries me though is that if this is an indication of how I’ll react anytime a guy shows me affection I’m fucked.  I’ve never been like this before and this is my first real taste of a guy being really into me since Dipshit (and even he wasn’t all that into me when we ended).  It also didn’t help that I kept thinking about our room back at the W (the boy certainly has good taste) and how this would be the first time in…umm forever?, that I’d be doing more than innocently hooking up with a guy.  YIKES!!! 

When we left the bar the Marine wanted some pizza.  So we stopped and grabbed him a slice.  Then he started mentioning if I still wanted to see my other friends who were at Whiskey Bar we could go.  Other friends = HWB and his friends.  The Marine did not know this.  I was kinda drunk so said sure!  Then immediately regretted it.  What in the shit was I doing?? 

Well needless to say they were both extremely jealous of the other to the point it was comical.  Every chance they were able to get in my ear for a second either would say “you want to bang that guy” or “is that your boy?” or something to that effect.  I suppose drunk PYT cannot control her flirtations.  And to add to the already complicated mess of boys, the bartender I told you about, the one who is hot and remembered me…he was there along with a huge smile when he caught my eye.  Geez.  The Marine actually told me on our way out that he was really jealous of HWB and he never gets jealous.  The he’s not that kind of guy and why do I have to be so cool that he actually likes me.  Thanks??

We made our way back to the W and once upstairs I decided I’d get comfortable by slipping into one of the amazing robes they have in the room.  It didn’t take long for the Marine to take control of the situation …that night & in the morning…we got back to the room at around 2:30am…fell asleep eventually….and woke up around 6am to get ready to go to the airport. 

In the time we had together we got to know a lot about one another.  We really had some great conversations.  One of my favorite things he said which completely cracked me up was when he was telling me how he really wants to have someone he can come home to after work and especially someone who can cook since he really can’t, although he does “guy things like make breakfast and BBQ”.  What is it with men and making breakfast anyway?  My Dad is like that too…awesome at breakfast and the grill and not too hot with anything else.  He also insists that his wife takes his name and if she chooses to ignore that tradition of marriage he’s choosing to ignore the engagement ring tradition and plans to blow the money for a ring in Vegas with his friends.  Hilarious.  Also, he has a complex about women driving.  He was insisting to drive my car to the airport.  But the thing is I never let anyone drive my car so that was one battle he wasn’t winning.  He did warn me that if we were dating that would never fly and he’d be driving.  I’m all for guys being men and taking charge of such things, just not behind the wheel of my car.  And lastly the painted me a picture of how, if we were dating and we were in London where we would live and what we would see and do (he lived there for a little over a year for work and seems to really want to go back).  It was adorable.

So, in the end I made a fabulous decision.  We had a blast, he is a great guy and we’ve been keeping in touch since he left.  I have no expectations of dating him or this turning into anything more then what it is on the surface but it was just the boost of excitement I needed.  I’m so happy we caught eyes and he came into my life, even for how brief a moment.  Taking him to the airport was kind of bittersweet.  Its emotional to bring a Marine to the airport knowing there is always a chance he may never come home.  I have a few very good friends who were Marines so I’ve had a taste of this before and it never gets easier…even if its someone you barely know.  We had some wonderful kisses and he even caught me off guard by reenacting the most famous war kiss.  I wonder how long he’s been wanting to do that. 

As I was pulling into my driveway I got a call from him…turns out he seriously fucked up and his flight wasn’t actually until Sunday!!!!  What?!?!?!  He said he considered calling and seeing if I would turn around so we can head back to the hotel and spend the afternoon laying around and spending time together while he ordered us breakfast.  Despite the insanely busy day I had ahead of me, I kinda wish he had.  But he got the airline to switch his ticket and get him on the flight anyway, so he was boarding the plane when he called.  I do miss the excitement of him being around and I do hope we continue to keep in touch.  I hope he stays safe over there…and to all my Marines  “OORAH!!!”

My Readers Made Me Do It..

In my effort to continue backtracking through January and catch you all up on everything that has been going on there is so much that continues to happen.  Obviously that’s expected because it’s not like I’m a hermit..but seriously life, slow the fuck down so I can catch up on my blog…please and thank you!  My poor little fingers can’t possibly type fast enough to get it all out in the speed at which I’d like and I’m all fucked up trying to decide where to BEGIN!!!!  Aaaahhhh

Deep breath!  

I’m experiencing so much excitement..but also severe cases of being overwhelmed, underwhelmed...surprised and charmed.  Yeah it’s a fucking mess.

But today, in an effort to boost my mood since I’ve been crazy sick for about a week (I finally got meds oh AND a shot in the ass…seriously, adults are not exempt from this so don’t fool yourself!) I’m going to give you a ollow up to the recent story Real Life in the ER

I think you will all be proud and happy to hear that I did in fact write to the ER doc.  I don’t know how I got the nerve up but my fingers started typing and the next thing I knew my fate was released out in cyberspace.

So what exactly say to someone you can barely say you met…who was treating you in an ER no less…almost three weeks ago.  This…

“This is completely random...but I was talking to a friend who works at [the hospital] the other day and mentioned I met this really cute, funny doc in the ER a few weeks ago and he seems to think it’s you... {Disclaimer…ok so I totally lied…yes, I did talk to my friend about him, however, who he is wasn’t exactly a mystery since his name was on my discharge papers…details…this sounded cooler and less stalkerish}

...so on the off-chance he's right (not sure since your profile says you work at [a completely different hospital]) I figured I'd take a chance and write and say hi!

I completely awkwardly complimented your arm muscles and good veins (I'm so smooth!) - if thats rings a bell haha

So, I don't usually write FB messages to guys I meet in the ER but you made a pretty good impression so I figured...first time for everything! ;-)”

Now how is that for a totally corny message?  Honestly, I’d say for a first time doing something like this, it wasn’t terrible.  I mean really, what can you possibly say?  “You’re hot and I want to have your babies”

As your seeing across many of the blogs out there, especially the ones of the daters, this is a year of being bold…taking chances… and putting yourself out there.  I would say something this crazy most definitely qualifies.

And now with the message sent I play the waiting game.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to sleep when you’re in a slight panic if you just made a huge fucking fool of yourself and some handsome doctor is now laughing at you???  Yeah, not easy.

I heard my phone at 1:30am and roll over in a half sleep to see what it was.  A friend request on FB….from the DOCTOR?!?!?!  I had to blink myself awake because it seemed crazy.  A few minutes later a message came through.  He actually wrote me back!!  I can’t get too excited because I have absolutely no idea what he said.  It could have just been a very polite rejection.  While the anticipation of knowing was nearly too much to handle I decided I’d fight it off and read the message in the morning.

And now for your viewing pleasure here is what he had to say…

“Hi!
Why thank you ,
I assume I am the same person because although I get compliments on my veins all the times it certainly does stick out when someone thinks I have muscles. {He has a sense of humor…that’s a plus} I AM no longer at [the hospital] and am going to start at [a different hospital] in a couple weeks, but I am occasionally in [your city] anyways because of the friends I have made along the way. 
Thank you though for all the compliments. I am actually a PA not a doctor and it is always appreciated when someone else appreciates the work we do. {seems to be somewhat modest…} I will be honest and I don't regularly remember the circumstances why my patients are at the ER, but I do hope you are feeling much better and that you weren’t there for for a terribly long time. {I guess he’s saying he doesn’t remember me? Which I expected.}

So what do you do in [your city]? Live there all your life?

I live in BK currently and besides hanging with the girl {THE GIRL!!!  Kiss of death…he has a girlfriend and managed to slip that in there so smoothly…damn it!!!!} I do fight choreography and special effects makeup/ costuming for fun on the side. Also as you can see I like to participate in interesting events in NYC such as the No Pants Subway Ride. 

Thank you again for the compliments and the thought. It made my day. {How sweet….}  Hope all is well with you and look forward to hearing from you.”

Well there you go.  I will say that was a really sweet message to receive…even though the fact that he has a girlfriend kind of sucked.  I will say though that after checking out his entire facebook profile I realized, while he is sweet, cute and seems to have a great personality we have extremely different interests.  He is the comic con attending, costume wearing, theater geek type.  Now, I did shows my whole life so I totally dig the theater…however, comics…yikes, not my territory.  This guy is insanely talented and does some seriously amazing things with make up and costumes…I’m blown away really.  And as much as I love dressing up I just can’t imagine going to a comic convention at the frequency of which he seems to, I’d feel terribly out of place.  His girl seems to be into all that as well so they are definitely well matched.

Despite  having no potential for a date I feel fucking amazing.  I wrote…he wrote back…and wants to hear from me again.  I’m not sure if I will write him back or not because really, what do I have to say?  But this definitely gave me a huge boost of confidence and the balls to maybe do something like this again in the future.  And to all my blog friends out there who are taking chances and doing some crazy things…add this to your list!!