Peace Out Stupid Year

Good Morning Loves!!!  I’ve missed you all soo very much!!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you for not abandoning me while I’ve been completely MIA from life in general these past few weeks.  I’d dish it all out for you but I promise the details are as ugly as a Monday…

But here is the overview...I was crazy sick and had to postpone my dates, they ran down the list of infections, found inflamed lymph nodes and had to check for cancer (I’m clear thank god) now I’m finally feeling better ..then my car was rear ended while I was on my way to work which threw me into such a rage the guy that hit me was practically shaking, oops and to put the cherry on top of this fuck my life sundae I ended up having to get an emergency wisdom tooth extraction right before Christmas.  This caused me to miss a 12 Pubs of Christmas bar crawl I had planned with a few of my girlfriends for which I got the most amazing toy soldier costume...I need to find a use for it now.  The Vicodin was a blast but not being able to eat like the piglets my cousins and I turn into on the holidays was fucking miserable.  God Bless desert though…nice and soft and extraction friendly…but fuck you desert for making feel like a lump of fat the past few days.  When a doctor prescribes a diet of shakes and ice cream and no exercise it makes me wonder if he may be the devil.

So as we all can see amongst all this insanity my poor blog has been neglected and my adventures derailed which is really the biggest travesty of all.  Seriously, fuck you December.  I’m so over 2010...get it the fuck away from me.  Bring on the new year because this year fucking sucked…with one exception being the creation this blog and meeting all of you.  Seriously, thanks for being a tremendous highlight in an otherwise fairly shit ass year.  Your comments, emails, and your own blogs have touched me in so many ways (and I liked it every time…can I have seconds?)  I can’t wait for a brand new year with all of you!!

Onto more fun and interesting things...There was a chance I was going to be heading to Miami for NYE but due to a few complications, such as ticket prices skyrocketing we switched focus back to NYC, which in the long run is probably better for me but not for you since I can’t even imagine the stories I would have come back with.  I'm hoping I am back in tip top shape to party it up for NYE and bring back some good stories for all to drool over…I have to make up for not going to party in the city where the heat is on (sorry I had to!!)  I’ve got a couple more days to rid my face of my bruise and perk up to my normal party standards.  Wait, screw that…I need to be above normal.  I haven’t have a fun night out in nearly a month and I deserve it.  So I need to step it up and rock the fuck out.  I’ve got till midnight to find a hottie to make out with and damn it I will!!  Its that or Patches will be getting a face-full of me! 

There is a chance that Jim from way back to The Office Episodes 1 & 2 may come with my friends and I for NYE.  I haven’t seen him since our last date and we haven’t talked too much since I botched the fuck out of his invite to his birthday but yesterday we got to chatting and when I heard he didn’t have any plans yet I, in a moment of crazy I couldn't keep at bay, extended an invitation to him to join us. Um what?!?  Who does that?!?!  This may end up being awesome or seriously stupid.  I won’t be upset if he says no and then again I may be upset if he agrees.  If he comes I basically just ended my chances of flirting for the evening…if there are hot guys there I will want to kill myself…if not, then score for me.  I anticipate him giving me an answer today so let’s wait and see what happens.

Either way…I hope you all have a safe, happy, get-drunk-and-make out New Years!!! (please leave your cars at home!!)  Emphasis is especially on the make out part because you know me and that’s my favorite.  Anyone who doesn’t have someone to kiss on NYE let me know, I’ll tell you where I’ll be and I will be happy to kiss you.  I promise you there is no better way to start the year then a kiss from me.  xoxo

Sniff...Sniff...Cough...Cough

Never did I think I'd be one of those assholes who uses the "I dont feel well" excuse to postpone a date.  Its been done to me and I dont like it.  Frankly, I'm a bit of a cynical person who trusts little of what people (men who want to date me) say (thank you to my ex for that) and so when I hear things like 'I'm so sorry, I feel like crap can we please reschedule' I try and give them the benefit of the doubt that they are being honest while simultaneously deleting their number...I know, bitch.  

There is a guy, Hollywood, who I've emailed with a couple of times.  Literally, thats as far as its gone.  I'm sorry but being from LA don't you know how to schmooze and chat up women because I'll tell you now this email tactic is seriously fucking lame.  Do you honestly think that I’m going to get excited about a date with someone I haven’t even had a real conversation with?  Its not even like the emails were all that riveting.  If your going to insist on the written word, at least entertain me!

You may wonder why I’d go on a date with someone who I’m bitching about the way I am and I’ll tell you, its because he’s cute and his profile intrigued me.  Perhaps he sucks at writing emails, I know I do.  So, instead of giving him a big F-you…I will go on this date and I will hopefully like it.

Hollywood had emailed me in the beginning of the week about getting drinks tonight…my mind has been like scrambled eggs all week that I completely forgot to respond until yesterday.  When I did I was sure to tell him to CALL me and we could discuss plans.  Well, he listened but when he called my phone didn’t even ring and did one of those annoying straight to voicemail tricks so lucky for him he was able to leave a quick voicemail (don’t you secretly love that by the way, when your calling someone for the first time and the phone goes to voicemail and the responsibility of initiating a potentially awkward conversation now falls in someone elses lap??), unlucky for me the Empress of Lazy this week I’m left with the task of calling back.  Naturally I got caught up in a billion things…including dragging myself off the couch to grab a beer with an old friend who also happens to be a mutual friend of my ex…this now feels like a colossal mistake because even though I said from the beginning that conversations about the ex were off the table the topic still managed to come up anyway.  I don’t know that I trust him not to go back and tell the ex what was said, you know with the whole dicks before chics thing (he never repeats anything my ex says but then again I dont ask...I dont know he shows me the same respect), but at least I know better than to say anything I wouldn't "mind" being repeated. 

I digress…suddenly I get home, feel like shit because I forced myself to go out and realize its actually 11:30 and way too late to call back.  I’m such an asshole!  The truth is, since last week I haven’t felt all that hot.  My asshole coworker decided to come to work sick as a dog and cough all over everything and therefore get almost everyone else sick.  Thanks fucker.  For some reason this cold has decided to take up some major real estate in my body.  It won’t fucking leave!  I’m not one to pump myself full of meds or go to the doctor and complain about my symptoms but dear god, I’m about ready to crawl in there admit that I was wrong for not coming sooner and beg and plead they give me whatever magic pill could make this better.  This. Is. Hell.

This morning, feeling completely ashamed of myself I wrote an email back to Hollywood and explained that my cold has officially kicked my ass and while I normally power through these things like a champ I am waving my white flag and surrendering.  The boogers have won.  Bastards.  I hate being told I HAVE to do something, I’m a bit of a rebel in that sense, and this virus has been trying for a week and a half to tell me in no uncertain terms that I have to sleep.  Fine, you win.  I have requested that we reschedule the date so that I can sleep…but just know I’m not going to like it one bit…ok who are we kidding, I’m going to love being snuggled in bed but I will be thinking about the potential make outs I’m missing out on.  Again, fuck you cold!

The Juicy Details – Well, the only really juicy thing about this tale is the impressive amount of snot my body is capable of creating, where does all this shit come from!?  I’m a little person I don’t get it.  I know that’s completely disgusting but hey, it’s the truth.  Anyway, Hollywood wrote back and wished me well and said its no problem to reschedule for next week.  So, I guess the ball is in my court to pick a day…but I’ll do that tomorrow being that it feels like little oompa loompas are pushing on the inside of my fucking skull trying to make my head explode.  Stay tuned.