Sniff...Sniff...Cough...Cough

Never did I think I'd be one of those assholes who uses the "I dont feel well" excuse to postpone a date.  Its been done to me and I dont like it.  Frankly, I'm a bit of a cynical person who trusts little of what people (men who want to date me) say (thank you to my ex for that) and so when I hear things like 'I'm so sorry, I feel like crap can we please reschedule' I try and give them the benefit of the doubt that they are being honest while simultaneously deleting their number...I know, bitch.  

There is a guy, Hollywood, who I've emailed with a couple of times.  Literally, thats as far as its gone.  I'm sorry but being from LA don't you know how to schmooze and chat up women because I'll tell you now this email tactic is seriously fucking lame.  Do you honestly think that I’m going to get excited about a date with someone I haven’t even had a real conversation with?  Its not even like the emails were all that riveting.  If your going to insist on the written word, at least entertain me!

You may wonder why I’d go on a date with someone who I’m bitching about the way I am and I’ll tell you, its because he’s cute and his profile intrigued me.  Perhaps he sucks at writing emails, I know I do.  So, instead of giving him a big F-you…I will go on this date and I will hopefully like it.

Hollywood had emailed me in the beginning of the week about getting drinks tonight…my mind has been like scrambled eggs all week that I completely forgot to respond until yesterday.  When I did I was sure to tell him to CALL me and we could discuss plans.  Well, he listened but when he called my phone didn’t even ring and did one of those annoying straight to voicemail tricks so lucky for him he was able to leave a quick voicemail (don’t you secretly love that by the way, when your calling someone for the first time and the phone goes to voicemail and the responsibility of initiating a potentially awkward conversation now falls in someone elses lap??), unlucky for me the Empress of Lazy this week I’m left with the task of calling back.  Naturally I got caught up in a billion things…including dragging myself off the couch to grab a beer with an old friend who also happens to be a mutual friend of my ex…this now feels like a colossal mistake because even though I said from the beginning that conversations about the ex were off the table the topic still managed to come up anyway.  I don’t know that I trust him not to go back and tell the ex what was said, you know with the whole dicks before chics thing (he never repeats anything my ex says but then again I dont ask...I dont know he shows me the same respect), but at least I know better than to say anything I wouldn't "mind" being repeated. 

I digress…suddenly I get home, feel like shit because I forced myself to go out and realize its actually 11:30 and way too late to call back.  I’m such an asshole!  The truth is, since last week I haven’t felt all that hot.  My asshole coworker decided to come to work sick as a dog and cough all over everything and therefore get almost everyone else sick.  Thanks fucker.  For some reason this cold has decided to take up some major real estate in my body.  It won’t fucking leave!  I’m not one to pump myself full of meds or go to the doctor and complain about my symptoms but dear god, I’m about ready to crawl in there admit that I was wrong for not coming sooner and beg and plead they give me whatever magic pill could make this better.  This. Is. Hell.

This morning, feeling completely ashamed of myself I wrote an email back to Hollywood and explained that my cold has officially kicked my ass and while I normally power through these things like a champ I am waving my white flag and surrendering.  The boogers have won.  Bastards.  I hate being told I HAVE to do something, I’m a bit of a rebel in that sense, and this virus has been trying for a week and a half to tell me in no uncertain terms that I have to sleep.  Fine, you win.  I have requested that we reschedule the date so that I can sleep…but just know I’m not going to like it one bit…ok who are we kidding, I’m going to love being snuggled in bed but I will be thinking about the potential make outs I’m missing out on.  Again, fuck you cold!

The Juicy Details – Well, the only really juicy thing about this tale is the impressive amount of snot my body is capable of creating, where does all this shit come from!?  I’m a little person I don’t get it.  I know that’s completely disgusting but hey, it’s the truth.  Anyway, Hollywood wrote back and wished me well and said its no problem to reschedule for next week.  So, I guess the ball is in my court to pick a day…but I’ll do that tomorrow being that it feels like little oompa loompas are pushing on the inside of my fucking skull trying to make my head explode.  Stay tuned.