Its Getting Hot in Here...

Picture this: cool, crisp, NY October night…two perfectly chilled glasses of wine…one steaming hot tub…two friends enjoying all of it with ever mounting sexual tension between them.  I’d like you to meet Sauce.  A Marine turned NYPD.  He’s hot, insanely fun, amazing abs, a great cook, adorable smile, hot (yes, it needs to be repeated), totally into his family…and I think you get the idea.  I’ve known him since we were 16.  We met through a mutual friend who I worked with at the Y (and kind of dated) and he went to high school with.  For as long as I’ve known him we’ve always had this really natural way (of not being able to keep our hands off each other) about us.  There is just a lot of really great chemistry there…on all levels.  Conversation flows and we just always seem to get each other.  There is a lot of mutual respect for one another and the way we live our lives.  And you can’t deny the attraction.  We have this “issue” where we can’t seem to hang out without the night culminating with a high school style make-out session.  And really, who wouldn’t love that?  We’ve never dated, never slept together, hell I don’t think he’s ever even touched my boobs (and that’s an accomplishment since they are one of my most complimented assets!)  Our wandering hands and kisses  always seem to land in PG places…how we resist I don’t know…but I think this goes back to the respect we have for each other.  There is nothing more either of us want to do some of times we are together then rip each other’s clothes off.  But we don’t.  We are traditional and old school like that…with each other and not necessarily with others, for whatever reason.

Last week I was hit with some interesting BBMs from Sauce.  Basically telling me he still really wants me and he thinks we’ve always had chemistry and well, we’ve never both been completely single before…so we should see what happens.  Now let me just clear this up and say neither of us have EVER cheated…by completely single we mean that in the past when we were single it was always during those few months between break ups with our ex’s when we really didn’t know if it was really over of if we’d end up back together.  So yes we were technically single but still in some fucked up emotional limbo.  Whatever, details.  I must have read our conversation over about a dozen times to make sure I was getting it all in.  Was Sauce trying to tell me he wants to date me?  Was he just being his normal flirty self?  Am I completely reading into this because I haven’t had a really amazing date in a while and all I want to do is punch my ex in his stupid motherfucking face?  Maybe, maybe not…to all the above.

We had plans last night for me to go to his place and hang out in the hot tub.  Really, who would turn that down?  Wine, hot guy, hot tub…fucking duh.  It was awesome.  We talked and talked and talked.  And drank.  And I can see us moving closer and closer.  My life: the movie.  He was describing to me how there are 3 things which are 100% nonnegotiable for him when he’s looking for his person. 

1.       She must be established…in other words, have a good career or have goals set to obtain a good career…whether that means being in school, busting your ass at work, etc.  Basically he wants someone intelligent who isn’t a lazy sack of shit.  Fair enough.

2.       Sex appeal.  This is obvious and understandable.  He doesn’t care if the pope would call you sexy but if he can’t wait to get his hands on you that’s all he cares about.  He just wants someone he will adore and who will want to fuck his brains out for the rest of your lives.  He’s a very sexual person so sexual chemistry is important to him.

3.       Sauce is a very giving man.  Even if he didn’t have a penny to his name he would give you the shirt off his back if he knew it would make you happy.  He wants nothing more than to completely love, adore and spoil a girl and asks that she be someone who would be willing to give of herself as well.  He has dated some very selfish girls in the past and even something as simple as cooking him eggs would rock his world.

All in all I think these are three very reasonable, understandable and necessary things for almost any relationship.  I don’t think he’s asking for a lot or too much by trying to find someone who possesses those qualities.  He ran down this list for me last night, elaborated on it a lot and we bantered back and forth.  He then proceeded to tell me he already knows I have two out of the three and would venture to guess I’d be more than capable of spoiling him.  Deep breath…is he coming on to me???  Then he says “Mrs. Sauce”…yes, has a nice ring to it.  Whether it was the wine, the heat, the growing need to just grab his face and kiss him I just couldn’t seem to do anything but sit there and smile.  What am I a fucking doll??  PYT where is your voice???  That would have been a perfect time to ask what exactly he’s getting at.  To have what may eventually be a difficult, awkward conversation of whether or not friends should go to another level.  But the moment passed and we ended up in a serious, hot as shit lip lock.  Fair trade.  There is a chance he just likes the way all this sounds because perhaps he’s lonely or just wants to practice for the future and he doesn’t have intentions of trying to date me but at that moment it didn’t matter. 

Frankly, I did have a slight moment of panic.  While I was sitting there trying to make heads of tails of what all this pointed to there were a few things going through my head.  First and foremost…chill the fuck out. “ Live in the moment and just enjoy yourself.  You’re going to ruin the fun if you just sit there overanalyzing.”  So that helped a bit.  Once I was able to push the thoughts out of my head I was able to relax and enjoy things.  But then a slight panic came over me.  Holy shit…if and it’s a big IF…Sauce would want to date me I don’t know how I feel about it.  Would I want to date him??? Yeah, no idea.  The idea of being in a relationship set a slight and quick panic over me.  Which was insanely confusing.  Am I not the girl who just last week was freaking the fuck out because my ex is in a relationship and I’m not?  The girl who lies in bed wanting someone to snuggle with?  The girl would got so sick of awful first dates I swore I was going to go on a dating hiatus?  Is this girl not actually ready for a relationship?  Does this girl really want to be single and continue to have all the fun that goes with it??

The Juicy Details:  The fact is…I apparently have no idea what I want.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t muster up the balls to ask Sauce flat out what he was getting at because I’m not sure if I’m ready to hear the answer.  But I suppose the good thing is that I don’t need to be.  I don’t have to know what I want and I don’t have to figure it out.  Perhaps it’ll just figure itself out.  Wouldn’t that be great?  Call me delusional but I believe if I just let things go their course that is exactly what will happen.  Things will just fall into place.  Whether that means I continue on my dating rampage, I (gulp) date Sauce or we continue on with our awesome friendship/make-out goodness (and how can you go wrong with straddling a hot guy in a hot tub)…what will happen will happen and who gives a shit so long as I’m happy??  I’ll tell you this…I left last night very happy.  When we finally pulled our pruned selves out of the hot tub (after being in there for almost 3hrs) we dried off and I changed and realized I had to leave if I was going to get any sleep before I left for work in the morning.  Sauce walked me to my car, as per usual, and we stood there kissing for a while longer.  Before he walked away he asked about my schedule for the rest of the week so we can make plans.  I’ll tell you Sauce is a total flake when it comes to plans..but I am looking forward to us eventually hanging out again.  It’s always fun when I see him.