He's Dumber Than He Looks Folks...

I’m no rocket scientist , even though I have the degree to be one (no joke)…however, I do like to consider myself intelligent.  I’m not talking on par with the guys from Big Bang Theory but I can hold my own with a graphing calculator.  I mention this today because I’m realizing more and more just how important it is for two people to be on similar levels of intelligence, maybe education, career, etc.  It’s very difficult to date someone your constantly rolling your eyes at while holding yourself back from laughing and smacking your head every time something stupid comes out of their mouth.  Don’t get me wrong, we all are guilty of saying stupid shit and more often than not everyone gets a really good laugh out of it when that happens.  But if over the course of an evening nothing intelligent comes out of your mouth there is a problem. 

Now onto my date with Husky.  We decided to go for ices which, like I mentioned I thought was a great idea.  He wanted to pick me up which I wasn’t completely against but didn’t exactly feel was completely necessary.  Still I agree and when he called to let me know he was outside (whatever happened to good old fashioned ringing a bell..???) I come out to find him leaning again his passenger side door waiting to let me in.  Ok sweet enough, at least we wasn’t sitting in his car like a lump of shit waiting for me to get in. 

Husky decides we should go to the ices location that is the furthest from either of our houses and all I can think of is…shit, if this goes poorly I’m stuck with this guy for the entire ride home, god help me.  So we’re chatting away and I decide now is as good a time as any to dive in and ask him about school and work since I hadn’t been able to before.  Basically I find out he never finished college…why…oh because the moron got kicked out.  Now, not finishing college is one thing, a lot of really smart people never even went to college or dropped out and manage to be some of the most influential people in society…Husky is not one of them.  This idiot managed to get himself kicked out of one of the easiest, most laid back city schools around because he just couldn’t be bothered with showing up to class.  What took a higher priority…drinking.  Well done PYT you really know how to pick the winners.  

He begins to tell me how he started drinking at a really young age and drank so much he completely fucked up his stomach and now has all these problems.  What the fuck!?!  I’m sorry but are you telling me this to impress me because I must be missing the punchline somewhere.  First, why, why, WHY would you tell someone that on a first date???  Second, where were your parents that no one ever noticed what was clearly a severe dependency on alcohol.  Then he starts telling me what a hustler he was and all I keep picturing is some sleezy porn magazine and have to prevent myself from cracking up.  He said he would do all these odd jobs for people to make money so he could go out and party on the weekend.  In high school I worked at the Y to make money so I could buy gas, clothes and mall food with my friends…ok and the occasional keg my friends and I would throw senior year.  Point is, unlike Husky I was not making money to fuel some sort of stomach illness inducing alcohol obsession.

Needless to say as I neared the end of my ice aka the only distraction I had from the ding dong sitting next to me I wanted to kick myself for not ordering a medium.  I skipped on calories and I’m now forced to fake my way through the rest of the date.  Awesome.  Just as I finish my last spoon of ice and seriously considered licking the bowl to see if there is even just a little goodness left my brain tunes into what Husky was saying and at just the right moment too or I would have missed the “highlight” of the date…

Husky: “Yeah so my hours are usually pretty good but sometimes we have to cover for the other guys…like on Thursday I have to work 8-8”

Me: “Oh wow, well that’s a long day”  (almost as long as this date is beginning to feel and we’ve only been out for an hour)

Husky: “Yeah it is…whats that like 10hours?”

                Umm no, no its not…I’m still at a loss for words with this one.  I’m sure my face, which was covered with pure shock, gave away my feelings.

Husky:  (kind of laughing it off) “Oh no no, whats that like 12hrs right”

Deep breath.  I nod, smile and giggle along with him but all I’m thinking is….I’m scared.

The Juicy Details:  We are on our way home and he asks me if I smoke because he does and he’s not sure if I saw that in his profile because usually nonsmokers don’t want to go out with smokers…fucking duh.  And that right there was my official, guilt free deal breaker.  I don’t smoke, never have, never will and have no desire to date someone who does.  As we pull up to my house he keeps asking if I had fun…to which I keep responding “I loved the ice, it was such a good idea”…I didn’t want to lie but I had to say something.  Then he keeps asking if we are hanging out again so I told him we’ll talk and figure it out.  When I try and give him a hug, he naturally tries to give me a kiss…after I dodged that bullet I headed for my door.  

The truth is Husky was totally cute, a gentleman and definitely sweet…however, between the smoking, getting kicked out of college, apparent excessive drinking and I’ll be honest that 10hrs comment…I don’t think there will be a second date.